Fear

"Your biggest source of happiness can be your greatest pain too because then you constantly live in the fear of losing them."

Read something like this a few days back and have been pondering ever since. And every single day i experienced and felt it. There are certain people we love deeply and their mere mention brings a bright smile. But the deeper this feeling the bigger is the fear of loosing them. That constant feeling of not having them around anymore or that heart wrenching thought of them leaving this world or just forgetting you and going away. There is a weird kind of painful feeling that takes over. You love them. You care for them. You adore them. But the fear lingers on at the back of your mind. And that at times makes you behave in unexpected ways. That fear, that pain makes you say things you know are only a passing thought fed by painful thoughts. And the more you let those feelings feed your thought process, the worse it all gets. And before you know that biggest happiness is not part of your life anymore. And that's exactly what i dread the most.
There are just a few people i love deeply and care for. They are my biggest or rather only happiness in life. But I constantly dread loosing them. I live in that fear day in day out. I always doubt that they will leave and go away. It's a vicious cycle. The more you worry the worse it feels. And this eventually reflects in your behavior. Apparently, it has nothing to with your trust in that person. I trust them with my life. I believe what is important here is to not let that fear stop you from loving them as much as you do.

We all need to live with certain amount of fear and faith. I guess they go hand in hand.

I'm nobody

While reading some poetry I came across this one and felt such a connection.
A deep heartfelt connection with nobody. The nobody whom I can feel, sense, talk to, laugh with, cry to, complain, blame, get angry at, take out my frustrations....and share every emotion I live each day.

Nobody - you are  my life, you are me!!

I like to live the life of nobody. Don't make me somebody. Somebody is easily forgotten. Somebody goes away, dies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'M Nobody! Who Are You? 

- Poem by Emily Dickinson

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell!
They'd banish -- you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one's name the livelong day
To an admiring bog! 

Emily Dickinson

Just A Letter.

Its just a letter. Addressed to no one in particular.

Only Because I felt like writing to someone but didn't know to whom. Names of some -  though few - of my closest and loveliest people came to my mind but considering how much i bug them already with my non-stop nonsense, it only made sense to spare them of this.

So if you ever read this - YES this is directed to YOU!
(And Yes i am sure you will understand its for you)

My dearest dearest you,

Life goes on...
We share some. We avoid some. We live some. And we regret some.
But no matter what we do and how we feel, it keeps going on!

And in this journey we miss out on tiny little smiles and tiny little "hellos".
It doesn't seem important.
We believe our loved ones know what we mean and feel. We don't feel its important to say a hello without any agenda in mind. We don't feel there is any need to let them know how much we love them just because we believe they know. How often do we drop a message telling them we miss them or are just thinking about them. Rarely! Just because we assume they know it. Or we just find it awkward to say so.

So today I am writing to you to say all that.

I Miss You!
More often than you can ever imagine. Everytime i watch something interesting I think about you. Everytime i make something nice, i want to show it to you. Everytime i listen to something which makes me smile or ponder, i want to tell you. Everytime i read anything new I think about you. Everytime i eat something and really like it, i want to send it over to you. Everytime i am sad and low I want you nearby. Everytime I feel like crying I want to be with you. Everytime I am happy and joyful I want to share it with you. No matter what - you are the one who comes to my mind and i want to share that moment with.

It's as simple and as complicated as that.

Quite often i feel like telling this to you but i am somehow scared of being judged as crazy and perhaps an emotional fool. Besides I don't want you to feel burdened because of how I feel.

I also want to tell you that I Love you! A Lot!

It's ironical that no one ever says that to me (I am not counting the times when I almost force people to say it to me...without actually giving them an option). I know you do love me but like someone said - sometimes I want an assurance in the form of words - written or spoken. To feel cared for and loved is a very basic emotional need of a human beings. It keeps us going.
So today i want to tell you that I love you and I care for you!

No matter how I behave at times, no matter how I seem to be - Remember and Believe that there's always love...abundant love! And no matter what - I will always be there for you.

Much love and countless smiles,
Me

Needs?

The talks

the chat

the gossip

the smiles

I miss them all

with you 

my dear friend

The fights

the drives

the movies

the food

I want it all

to revive

and last

The gifts

the cards

the calls

the mails

I wish for it all

to come back

for all

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

© 2014 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

Zindagi

Khet khaliyanon mein guzarti yeh zindagi
Apni hee dhun mein chalti yeh zindagi
Har pal apna hee geet gaye
Inn palon mein ghulti jaye yeh zindagi

Tasveeron mein dabi dabi see yeh zindagi
Deewaron pe latki murjhayi see zindagi
Ik kone mein sajayi Guldaste see zindagi
Charon aur zindagi phir bhi sooni kyun zindagi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

© 2012 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

If you are interested in more poetry here - here is the link

The ”Just Married, Please Excuse” Contest

After reading such funny and amusing incidents from Post Marriage days from blog-wallon starting with ~nm today (Thanks to Yashodhara and the hanging carrot...err the prize)- the memories became afresh in this sleepy brain too. And i got lost in another world....smiling, at-time grinning too...and other times bit taken aback by the fact that it all happened almost 11 years ago. PHEW...wait...while i sigh! SIGH!

Ok...am back..

So after spending enough time laughing at everyone's embarrasment, I felt guilty for not giving others the chance to laugh much ;) ;) Also, why not try my luck at the book atleast as the other carrot - err the lunch is something which will have to wait atleast an year and am not sure Y and the group can wait that long for me.(Just in case you are lost - am atleast an year away from my next visit to India)

Back to the point...

It was third day after i got married. And it was my husband's cousin's wedding day. My MIL and FIL had already gone to the city where the wedding was which is about 1.5 hrs away. We newly married couple along with my husband's elder brother's family had to go there that evening.

Right at 2PM It was declared by SIL that we will be leaving by 6PM ....so much for the understanding that the "newly married" would require LOTS of time to get ready. I took it in my favour and after 20000 discussions with my SIL, "WE" Aka "SHE" decided which sari would be apt for me to wear for the wedding as it was to be my first visit to the whole big extended Inlaws' side family. I was to wear my best and look my best. So no points for guessing the heaviest Gold Kanjivaram was selected. (Did I manage to showoff enough-yet-subtly that I own one such gorgeous sari? Ya? Ya? OK. Thanks)

The selecttion was done and SIL went away to get ready herself. Also in the meanwhile many guests were arriving in the household obviously to congratulate, bless, see etc etc the newly-married. With many rounds with wide smiles and feet touching, I could manage to start getting ready by 3PM.

As the room where I was to get ready was still full of stuff (read gifts, baskets, boxes, suitcases and what not) I had truckload full of challenges.

Here I must clarify that I already knew the sari tying very well. I had no worries about getting ready. My challenges were different. Here is the looooooooong list...

• I could not wear shoes (high heels) to that room as it had the puja corner there too.
• I could not locate my makeup box between the piled up stuff(refer above ^^)
• No mirror in the room - small or full length
• The selected sari's petticot(under skirt) was the only one which didn't have the tying string in (i don't know how to explain that - i am assuming you all got it)
• After finding the string, the challenge was to find the thing used to put it in. (Again i dont know what that is called)  I managed to find a pen and used it instead to accomplish that task :)

Anyway I managed the last two successfully. But i still had to tie the sari without heels on and no mirror. I somehow got on the business of tying the sari. First attempt - Disaster....it was hanging from one side
Breathe..new bride breathe...
Second attempt - Bigger Disaster....

Are you "awwww...ing" & "sigh....ing" with me as yet ? OK

So after like 5-6 attempts...I finally managed to say "I am ready to go"

Did I mention that in all the numerous attempts in sari wearing no other human being offered to help me (If by any chance you didn't get that -  I am clearly pointing to hubby dear and SIL) And did I mention by that time I had been asked one million times if I was ready and why was I taking that long. Also I had the buckets full of tears which had done enough damage already not by just dehydrating me but also spoiling my makeup.

After all odds - I was ready to go by 6 PM (Proud newly married bahu)

As if the Sari Saga had not been long enough already - after just 10 min from being away from home....the string from my pettocot went ----- Taaaaaaak......-----YES you guessed it right. It broke. As i had used a make shift thin string i could manage to find in between all the mess and also tied it extremely tight as the sari somehow kept slipping - I guess I had taken it to its limit and it gave up. Another bucket full of tears!!

No carrots for guessing that we had to go back home, find another string, do tying again, listen to non-stop "something" from SIL and answer many phone calls from MIL asking our whereabouts and get back in car. By the time we were back on road we were already 1.5 hours delayed. But then we are proud Indians.....we love being fashionably (in its real sense this time) late.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yashodhara - I must add I am very very curious to read your book. If I don't win, I will order it as soon as possible. All the Best!!

People Go check out the contest. Am sure you will have many stories to share.

 The ''Just Married, Please Excuse'' Contest

Laughing crying and doing crazy things

Yes that was what I am sure each one of us remembers when we think of those friendships from school and college times.

It was pure bliss....laugh your heart out....cry like never before and do such crazy things that even your mind cannot get a second chance to think what you are upto.
Such was the purity of things we did in those blissful days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

O I long to laugh out loud
And cry my heart out
But those lips dont curve in right direction
and those eyes have just given up

O I long to talk and talk and talk
And heartily scream and shout
But those words dont come out any more
and that heart does not dare

O I long to sit and listen to you
And nod with smiles bursting out
But these ears have forgotten peaceful conversations
and this head is lost in emptiness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

If you are interested in more poetry here - here is the link

7-Days to Self-Improvement - DAY 3

Just so you know that i have not given up on my 7-days challenge. I just thought its not something i can achieve in just 7 days so...i need to spread those 7 days over 7 weeks.
So here is Day 3.

7-Days to Self-Improvement

Want to know what it is" Check out here!

DAY3

Laugh and Smile : Who doesn't agree with laughing and smiling being most the important ingredient in life. As i have read and seen - a smile can go a long way and also keep one going whatever the situation. Somehow people who choose to laugh and smile are able to handle tough situation in life happlily too and that makes it less tougher actually. i have myself noticed the difference....How fretting and worrying endlessly only adds to worries. But sad soul that I am most of the times - i still fret and worry nonstop. Ok so  the transition needs to be from the fretting to smiling. I know I can do this. i just need some self-cheering :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DAY 1 : Anger Management 
DAY 2 : Homemaker tasks

7-Days to Self-Improvement - DAY 2

7-Days to Self-Improvement

Want to know what it is" Check out here!

DAY2

Homemaker tasks : This is another part which needs special attention. Need to do a lot of work around the house - normal usual everyday work which i keep ignoring or postponing or just not doing well. Reasons being anything ranging from laziness to tiredness to lack of time to every other possible reason you can think of. *Oh i am suddenly drowing under the huge load of guilt*

So Target for this week : Iron that moutain high pile of clothes lying on the couch in the bedroom *Yes its that bad*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DAY 1 : Anger Management

7-Days to Self-Improvement - DAY 1

We all have a particular bahavioural pattern. We all have habits. And we all have ways of dealing with and reacting to situations. All through our lives we stick to the idea of proving we are doing the right thing. How we behave is the right way and should not be crticized. (i would somehow not believe it if someone says they accept criticism for their behaviour very openly and change as per the feedback) Though we might accept the critism openly - we usually do not implement the change easily.

But one thing is for sure - if we get a reaction repeatedly for our bahaviour or some habit, sooner or later we would be unconciously forced to think about making a change. And ofcourse I am not an exception to that.

This morning I had this sudden brainwave and I got the brilliant idea of doing something for myself. Ofcourse anyone else wanting to do the same and joining me is more than welcome. I want to bring about changes to certain aspects of my behaviour because - how so ever right and correct i think my habits might be - the truth is they are not taken positively by people around me. And some of the people around me matter a lot more than sticking on to my way of dealing and reacting. So I have decided to pen down one thing everyday for coming 7 days and try to improve or change it.

7-Days to Self-Improvement

DAY 1

ANGER MANAGEMENT : I need to work on this on urgent basis. This was one of the resolutions for th year too. Did good for few months in th beginnning and worse than ever now. It needs control on URGENT and IMPORTANT basis now. (Yes i am repeating that to myself to let it sink in)

I make a promise to myself that for coming 7 days i will NOT get angry at my daughter and husband for whetever the reason. No reason is big enough to do so. Whether the sky falls or earth sinks - i will NOT scream or get angry.

PS: If you would like to join me in this - feel free to use the image as a badge. I just created it myself to keep it all peppy and jolly in the process of self improvement.

And pls leave a message if you are joining me on this journey.

Connections on the way

It was few days back when I was reading the book -Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

I was standing near the door in metro on my way to work. I was completely engrossed in reading. Obvisouly there were lot of people standing around. Suddenly the man(around the age of 50 or so) standing next to me pointed that my bookmark had fallen down. I thanked him and picked it up. 

Here is how the conversation went after that...


Man - Are you liking the book you are reading?
Me : Oh yes - its quite nice and thought provoking.
Man : Yes i agree - I have lots of memories attached to this book. I have gone through similar experience.
Me : Oh Ok. *Smile* (Didn't know what else to say)
Man : This was the last book i read with my father. We had seen the movie together but had been wanting to read the book too. So we read it together in his last days.
Me : Oh ok. (Again I didn't know what else to say)
Man :  Infact I have helped many people after i read the book. It has lots of learn from.
Me : Yes indeed. Lots of lessons for life. And lots to ponder. Every sentence needs attention.
Man : Yes. I have read it many times and find new things each time. Lot of people have gained from that.
Me : umm...err...Is that somehow your profession or something? (I asked as he repeatedly mentioned he uses that to help people)
Man : Oh No no. I am a financial Analyst in a bank. The book has taught me so much that i have used that to help people around me. I just enjoy to share the thoughts.
Me : Ah. Thats very nice of you.
 *Meanwhile the last stop of metro was there and we had to get down to continue our journeys in our chosen directions*


Me : It was nice meeting you. Have a nice day.

Man ; Yes same here. I hope you like the book till the end and benifit from it as much as I did. Its worth every word. Have a nice day.


-----------------------------------
The whole day after that I kept thinking about the incident from the morning. How little things connect people. How people have such strong emotions attached to things around which many of us just take too casually. How much effect books can have on people. How much people value words. How books can connect people.........


And so much more....


It was perhaps a small incident which happened days ago but i still think about it. It triggers some series of thoughts.


I don't know what it was. I surely had a deeper impact coupled with that from the book.

Top 5 Want-to-do list

A new Year...
Once again time to ponder
Once again the opportunity to plan the year ahead
Once again theI can decide what I want to do...

Some may also call these New Year resolutions...but somehow I chose to differ from that. The words "New Year Resolutions" freak me out - no idea why. So i just call it my To do list for the days to come

So Out of numerous things I want to do in the year to come...I am just listing Top 5...

Photo credits : http://robaroundbooks.com/2010/12/keep-calm-and-read-a-book/

YES - This is the topmost in the list. Last whole year I have done absolutely NO reading.

And If you notice carefully this one actually combines TWO of my topmost things to do. 

1. Be CALM

2. READ

So Number 2 is More Art and Craft with my little girl. Last year everything got quite neglected for some reason. I do not want that to be repeated. So I want to do more thinsg with my daughter and get the hands dirty. Any ideas to keep this going are most welcome. Come one people, keep me motivated.

Photo credits :http://www.photographyblog.com/news/nikon_d5100_presentation

Ok So you have guessed it right. Yes, It is to go click click flutter flutter. I love photography ANd NO I am no where near boasting to be a good one. I am tooo amateur to be called even amateur photographer. (Does that make sense? WEll - you did get the meaning - right? )
OK So Click Click Flutter Flutter is the love of my life besides top 2 ;)

Photo credits : http://www.adrianbruce.com/poetry/writing-poetry.htm

Another one of the things I Love. Yes writing is something I have always enjoyed but somehow still dont write that regularly. To keep my love of writing poetry going, I have another blog - Just so all my attempts at poetry are at one place. Just in case you are interested its is - http://iwritehere.tumblr.com
I no nothing about poetry writing rules or anything like that. I just scribble anything that comes to my mind and rhymes a bit :) (Rather anythign that sounds poetry to me)
So in the coming year I want to continue on that side and scribble more and more.

Photo credits : http://www.diyreviews.net/2011/top-4-anger-management-tips-to-use-in-stressful-situations/

This should actually be the TOP MOST.  BTW, a part of it has been included in the Number 1 To- Do. (Remember? Keep Calm) Ok So I need to learn to manage my anger. This will solve millions of other problms and spare my dear husband of being my punch bag to take it all. (Ok not in its real sense actually - No ACTUAL punching happening)

So thats my list for the year to come. I seek motivation and help from all of you kind souls. Help me remain sane and focussed.

Bless you all....

Bliss - Post 26

I read this at Chandni's blog and got the inspiration.

I have two fav places to sit at home. One is exactly like her - on bed with books on side table and TV in front.

But my preffered one is.. Easy chair by the window with huge mug of coffee and a book in hand, gazals playing in background. Feeling the warmth of sunshine or hear heavy rainfall on window. I love this chair of mine. Just sitting there looking outside and lost in thoughts is what i like the most ;)

I have another fav place which i rarely get to use. Its the swing in our garden. I just love sitting there watching the sky - be it the blue one with white clouds or the night sky with stars. Thanks to mostly cold and rainy weather I rarely get to do this. Having weekend morning coffee sitting there is an absolute bliss which I have got to experience only couple of times till now.

So tell me- which is your fav place to sit??

No more - Post 24

That pain inside
and that tension in head
It was all so clear
see those wrinkles on forehead

that broken heart
and that choking throat
its no longer hidden
as you try to swallow those tears

Heaviness loathing
and breathing not real
you just seem to drag
that life which seemed surreal

Is that your soul?
Oh It seems no more
That thing called feelings is dead
And there is no more dread

Not being able to bear that
I turn away lost in my thoughts
My movement sees me moving too
Oh Mirror Oh Mirror...please tell me its not true!

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY. 

A life - Post 21

Of this and that
Of here and there
We think we talk
We write and share

We hear and listen
We think we smile
We ponder and indulge
And do it for a while

Some lift this heart
Some give an ache
And moments we live
For no one's sake

Ever since i started blogging which is about 8 yrs now ( on different blogs) i came across so many different people and part of their lives. Irrespective of distances, gender, religion, age, likes, dislikes - people connected. With some its a quick connection... Something like that feeling one gets when meeting for the first time and yet seems like we know each other for long. That instant wavelength matching :)  - as some say! I have felt the same with many. But somehow i feel i need to take a step back before going all over into someone's life ... And opening up mine. Then there comes a time when the comfort level grows. Bloggers become friends. 

Isnt it amazing how we read something  and feel its exactly what we think. How quickly and how many times we nod at what we read. How often we read about things close to our heart. How we read things that we shy away from talking about. How we feel for things. 

I find blogging another world in itself. Another life parallel to physical being. With smiles, joys, tears, sadness, pats and bows, lows and highs .....with friends and aquaintances and perhaps enemies too. 

A life I can control and  look forward to all the time...!!! A life whose birth and death I can decide. 

Flashback - Post 19

I was googling for soemthing on internet and somehow landed up searching for my first school. So many things/incidents flashed back in a split second. I was lost in the beautiful memories and smiling.

Here are few of those which came to my mind... And I am still smiling... :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was in Class 1 (around last month of so in that class) , i lost my english book in school. I got the new one but could never forget that one(don't remember why) 3 years later when i was in Class 4 and was in library for something else - i found it there on one of the shelves - with same cover and my name there on :)
I somehow have the feeling the title of the book is in my mind too but somehow can't get it out.


When I was around 4 yrs and my little sister was just born - I used to take mental note of everything she would do. It felt like a responsibility that i should be telling her all that when she grows up. And i did remember quite a bit.


When I was around 5-6, I used to go buy dahi (yoghurt) from a special shop selling fresh yoghurt. I loved that walk alone and felt like I am doing a great job. But there was that secret (ok not secret at all actually after you read further) action i loved....i would eat some of the yoghurt while walking back home. (Oh how i loved that fresh set youghurt and i still do) Howsoever hard i tried to keep that a secret, i always always - without missing even once - spilled little bit on my t-shirt or frock and would be caught as soon as i would reach home inspite of my efforts to look my innocent best :)


I have been very fond of high heels and umbrellas right from my childhood. So as soon as one of my aunts would come home while on her way back from work - I would wait for her to take off her sandals and put her things aside. And next moment I would be out wearing those and holding that umbrella. I could play hours on with just those 2 things. Until one day i tripped over and hurt on of my finger very badly. I had to get stitches done. Please note - my love for high heels is still intact even though i was never allowed to wear my aunt's sandals ever again after that day.


When my sister was around 2-3 yrs and I obvisouly much older (than her), mom made dresses for both of us- exactly same style skirt-top but different colors. mine was lemon yellow and her was purple. It was exactly same style yet i liked her more. Her skirt has much more beautiful lace on the edges than mine. i felt my mom was partial because she was the baby doll of the house :) (But i dont think I ever complained about that openly - the wise elder sister I was and perhaps am :) )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So do you have any such memories from early childhood? Please share - would love to read.

Alone or Loneliness? - Post 15

Feeling alone or is it loneliness...i don't know.

But I think I know some of the reasons.

The city where i live and the city where i work are miles apart. It takes me 1 hr 45 minutes one way with public transport. (Please note this is not a rant post for that reason)

Ok - So I have been travelling like this for almost 6 years now. Metro, Train, Bus....Thats my routine.
And over all these years I have met many people on my daily route.

People who lived in the neighbourhood but we had never seen each other before. We became friends. We just travelled same direction at same time in metro. After that our directions changed.

People who worked in the same city as me. We travelled together in train.

People who worked in the same building as mine but different company. We travelled together in train and bus.

People who were my colleagues. We never knew we were in the same company until we came across each other in some company meet. We worked in different departments and our office was on different floors.

People who were my colleagues and we worked in same departments and sat on same floor. We travelled together in train/bus. Two of them are my closest friends now.

People who took the train from the same station as I do but for different destinations. And did I tell you we are friends for life now. First few times after we started meeting outside trains and stations, we introduced ourselves as train friends.

Once again people who travelled same direction as me in bus - our office buildings being next to each other. And we became very good friends.

People who travelled with me in the same train and have kids same age as mine. Our kids are friends now - closer than we are :)

People whom I had met before in common friends' gatherings and then started travelling together too in the same direction in train.


Inspite of so many people I met and had enough company all through my journey - I am loosing out on it now.

2 of my nice neighbours/friends in metro have stopped taking the metro. One started driving to work and another changed job.

And slowly over a span of 3 years...my friends in the train also started leaving. SOme moved closer to work so they dont travel by train anymore. Some others changed jobs. SOme relocated to another country. And for one - their company moved to another city to another bigger building. All those who were colleagues and fellow travellers have changed jobs. (May be it's a sign i need a change too)

I always always sit in the same compartment in the train for last 5 yrs. Not the same seat though - which is not possible for obvious reasons.
So today - when i was sitting in my usual spot without anyone to talk to and I realised I have none of those left to accompany me on my almost 4 hr journey everyday. No more exchanging messages in the morning about who is taking which train. No more looking out of the window to wait for someone. No more sharing the urge to take  a nap in the early morning train. No more fashion-police like comments on people sitting around (and that was with an Indian friend - we would talk in hindi and laugh between ourselves without the person sitting next to us having a single clue thats its about him :) :) THough we always dreaded tha day someone would reply back in hindi.) No more exchanging sms about person sitting next to us and giggling away to glory. No more sharing tips on how to handle that boss or in some cases kids.
Even though I have made some very good friends Its still not the same as meeting everyday.

Sitting in that metro or train or bus...I am surrounded by people but I still feel alone.

Clothes? - Post 13

I am sure everyone gets a kick as soon they hear about clothes (well - thats not limited to that only)

Ok so my point was - I do get all excited about the topic as soon as I hear it but only till the point its about buying :)

I hate anything to do with clothes other than buying. I hate washing, hanging theM to dry, wrapping up, ironing, sorting them and arranging them in cupboards. I just cannot do that.

This is one thing which irritates me the most. And this is one thing that I am most embarrased about when i have guests over. Thank God for that attic area where i can dump everything. Its like a laundry house...clothes everywhere. And When I have friends over esp those who are first time visitors and all enthu about wanting to have a walk through of the house, I make sure I do not make any hint to another floor. I just escort them back to groud floor after they have had the first floor round and praised my house maintenance skills. (All for their own beneifit - I do not want them to get a shock and also I do not want to refrain myself from little boost in between all the guilt I live with everyday)

Ok Am spilling all the beans today.....

My cupboards are dumping box. You cannot find anything there - Just cannot!

My attic is like maze. You really need a navigation system to  walk there and search something  (I so wish every piece of cloth had a chip in it so I could trace it with GPRS - so much for the technology we are used to)

I never can find my socks after they go for washing. I keep buying new ones (Oops....now thats serious - Imagine teh day i will find out all - i will need a cupboard just for socks ;)  ok slight exaggeration but nearly true)

There are times when my cupboard has only clothes which i do not wear and all the ones whic i wear are piled up for ironing.

Many a times i suddenly find something in that pile which i had totally forgotten about. i get pleasantly suprised to find it ( Imagine how long it lies there that I totally forgotthat I have somethign like that)

So many times including one today I remember certain tops only when I look at old pictures. And the search begins!

I wish someone would come up with use-and-throw clothes. Wear them once or perhaps twice and throw away.  (Oh even the thought is sooo sooo relieving)


I know I know most of you will be saying - How can anyone be that unorganized!!
Believe me i won't say NO to any help offered to change it.


Ok there is one aspect of clothes other than buying that I like. I like stitching. :)
Two is enough - Right?


PS: There is a silk stole I am searching in my house for 2 years now .... all efforts in vain. I know I have it. I have never used it. I know i  have not given it to anyone. If anyone has a clue - please help!!

Reminiscences of past gaiety - Post 8

Clearly and purely inspired by Monika's post today - I started writing this.

10 things I want back from my life

Walking to school

and evening play time with friends

Summer vacations

and visits to badi-mummy's (grandmom) home

Sunday evenings

and movie time with family

Outings with friends

and Coffee dates at Barista

Shopping with mom and sis

and gol-gappe n chat on the way back

Thinking about all this has taken me years back... I am missing so many things now.

And I also have this on my mind now...

Top 20-something wishlist - Post 5

I want to smile a lot
I want to laugh out loud
I want to sing
I want to dance
I want to read a lot
I want to work day & night
I want to shout at the top of my voice
I want to scream like hell
I want to kill someone* ;-)
I want to be alone for atleast a month
I want to go out shopping all day
I want to eat a lot
I want to host a huge party
I want to love someone a lot
I want to be loved a lot
I want to become someone's life
I want to earn a lot
I want to perform on stage
I want to feel proud of myself
I want to be with my daughter all the time
I want to learn photography
I want to dance in the rain
I want to have a paintings' exhibition
I want to live very near to work place
I want to speak to my mom - right NOW!



current mood:  hopeful

Come on tell me whats yours ... :)