Let-Go

For few weeks now all the posts and books I am reading triggered a chain of thoughts in me. After reading, for hours I am lost in thoughts - in comparing, in analyzing, in contemplating, in assuming, in anticipating and what not. The topics have been totally unrelated. Yet I somehow find them all connected. I feel that the universe is conspiring to give me some message. Perhaps to shake me up to see things in reality, in perspective. How we deal with emotions. How we react to situations. How we pretend to offer ourselves completely yet secretly keep a part hidden somewhere deep inside. How we take things for granted. How we get possessive about everything. How we show ownership. How we conveniently forget what we don't want to see. How we sympathize. And how we empathize.
How we let ourselves to get tormented and be in pain. How we chain and imprison ourselves. How we believe we cannot forget anything. How we choose to understand others better than understanding ourselves. How easily we loose balance of mind and life.

And All this is merely a tiny part in the grand scheme of things.

We give in. We forget that forgetting also takes time. It can take years to get over something or someone. But I think it does get easier. No one said Life is going to be easy, but the more you understand yourself, the easier it will get. And then very soon, you'll look back, laugh, and wonder: "What was I thinking?!"

I believe this is exactly what the universe is sending me signals about.

Can we defeat anything to gain back the balance? Can we find our way out of self inflicted torment and prison? I Believe - Yes. It just needs time, patience and real determination to let it go - which is the toughest task but not impossible. Allowing time to pass. Don't most things loose flavor with time! So do relationships and so do memories.

Ann Lander said - “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it."

People and situations are going to affect you in ways you could never imagine are even possible. No matter how right or wrong they are, holding on too tight to anything will only finish you gradually. LET - GO!

As someone said - Sometimes you have to Let go and be free!!

7-Days to Self-Improvement - DAY 3

Just so you know that i have not given up on my 7-days challenge. I just thought its not something i can achieve in just 7 days so...i need to spread those 7 days over 7 weeks.
So here is Day 3.

7-Days to Self-Improvement

Want to know what it is" Check out here!

DAY3

Laugh and Smile : Who doesn't agree with laughing and smiling being most the important ingredient in life. As i have read and seen - a smile can go a long way and also keep one going whatever the situation. Somehow people who choose to laugh and smile are able to handle tough situation in life happlily too and that makes it less tougher actually. i have myself noticed the difference....How fretting and worrying endlessly only adds to worries. But sad soul that I am most of the times - i still fret and worry nonstop. Ok so  the transition needs to be from the fretting to smiling. I know I can do this. i just need some self-cheering :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DAY 1 : Anger Management 
DAY 2 : Homemaker tasks

Repeated Reminder for self

Anger Management
Anger Management
Anger Management
Anger Management
Anger Management
Anger Management


I need to keep reminding this to myself over and over again. 
I  almost need a non-stop playe in my ears repeating "control control your anger"
*Yes I am THAT bad*
I do need to remind myself.

Its not that I get angry at everyone and everything. But I do loose my temper pretty soon. I am way too short-tempered esp for my family. Its terribly sad that they have to bear the brunt of my temper. :(

I am letting it out all here to give myself a harder blow to do something about it.

Perhaps it will hit me harder this way.

I will keep reminding mysefl till the day someone points out a change in me in that aspect.

I HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO work on it.

7-Days to Self-Improvement - DAY 2

7-Days to Self-Improvement

Want to know what it is" Check out here!

DAY2

Homemaker tasks : This is another part which needs special attention. Need to do a lot of work around the house - normal usual everyday work which i keep ignoring or postponing or just not doing well. Reasons being anything ranging from laziness to tiredness to lack of time to every other possible reason you can think of. *Oh i am suddenly drowing under the huge load of guilt*

So Target for this week : Iron that moutain high pile of clothes lying on the couch in the bedroom *Yes its that bad*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DAY 1 : Anger Management

7-Days to Self-Improvement - DAY 1

We all have a particular bahavioural pattern. We all have habits. And we all have ways of dealing with and reacting to situations. All through our lives we stick to the idea of proving we are doing the right thing. How we behave is the right way and should not be crticized. (i would somehow not believe it if someone says they accept criticism for their behaviour very openly and change as per the feedback) Though we might accept the critism openly - we usually do not implement the change easily.

But one thing is for sure - if we get a reaction repeatedly for our bahaviour or some habit, sooner or later we would be unconciously forced to think about making a change. And ofcourse I am not an exception to that.

This morning I had this sudden brainwave and I got the brilliant idea of doing something for myself. Ofcourse anyone else wanting to do the same and joining me is more than welcome. I want to bring about changes to certain aspects of my behaviour because - how so ever right and correct i think my habits might be - the truth is they are not taken positively by people around me. And some of the people around me matter a lot more than sticking on to my way of dealing and reacting. So I have decided to pen down one thing everyday for coming 7 days and try to improve or change it.

7-Days to Self-Improvement

DAY 1

ANGER MANAGEMENT : I need to work on this on urgent basis. This was one of the resolutions for th year too. Did good for few months in th beginnning and worse than ever now. It needs control on URGENT and IMPORTANT basis now. (Yes i am repeating that to myself to let it sink in)

I make a promise to myself that for coming 7 days i will NOT get angry at my daughter and husband for whetever the reason. No reason is big enough to do so. Whether the sky falls or earth sinks - i will NOT scream or get angry.

PS: If you would like to join me in this - feel free to use the image as a badge. I just created it myself to keep it all peppy and jolly in the process of self improvement.

And pls leave a message if you are joining me on this journey.

Top 5 Want-to-do list

A new Year...
Once again time to ponder
Once again the opportunity to plan the year ahead
Once again theI can decide what I want to do...

Some may also call these New Year resolutions...but somehow I chose to differ from that. The words "New Year Resolutions" freak me out - no idea why. So i just call it my To do list for the days to come

So Out of numerous things I want to do in the year to come...I am just listing Top 5...

Photo credits : http://robaroundbooks.com/2010/12/keep-calm-and-read-a-book/

YES - This is the topmost in the list. Last whole year I have done absolutely NO reading.

And If you notice carefully this one actually combines TWO of my topmost things to do. 

1. Be CALM

2. READ

So Number 2 is More Art and Craft with my little girl. Last year everything got quite neglected for some reason. I do not want that to be repeated. So I want to do more thinsg with my daughter and get the hands dirty. Any ideas to keep this going are most welcome. Come one people, keep me motivated.

Photo credits :http://www.photographyblog.com/news/nikon_d5100_presentation

Ok So you have guessed it right. Yes, It is to go click click flutter flutter. I love photography ANd NO I am no where near boasting to be a good one. I am tooo amateur to be called even amateur photographer. (Does that make sense? WEll - you did get the meaning - right? )
OK So Click Click Flutter Flutter is the love of my life besides top 2 ;)

Photo credits : http://www.adrianbruce.com/poetry/writing-poetry.htm

Another one of the things I Love. Yes writing is something I have always enjoyed but somehow still dont write that regularly. To keep my love of writing poetry going, I have another blog - Just so all my attempts at poetry are at one place. Just in case you are interested its is - http://iwritehere.tumblr.com
I no nothing about poetry writing rules or anything like that. I just scribble anything that comes to my mind and rhymes a bit :) (Rather anythign that sounds poetry to me)
So in the coming year I want to continue on that side and scribble more and more.

Photo credits : http://www.diyreviews.net/2011/top-4-anger-management-tips-to-use-in-stressful-situations/

This should actually be the TOP MOST.  BTW, a part of it has been included in the Number 1 To- Do. (Remember? Keep Calm) Ok So I need to learn to manage my anger. This will solve millions of other problms and spare my dear husband of being my punch bag to take it all. (Ok not in its real sense actually - No ACTUAL punching happening)

So thats my list for the year to come. I seek motivation and help from all of you kind souls. Help me remain sane and focussed.

Bless you all....

Reminiscences of past gaiety - Post 8

Clearly and purely inspired by Monika's post today - I started writing this.

10 things I want back from my life

Walking to school

and evening play time with friends

Summer vacations

and visits to badi-mummy's (grandmom) home

Sunday evenings

and movie time with family

Outings with friends

and Coffee dates at Barista

Shopping with mom and sis

and gol-gappe n chat on the way back

Thinking about all this has taken me years back... I am missing so many things now.

And I also have this on my mind now...

Top 20-something wishlist - Post 5

I want to smile a lot
I want to laugh out loud
I want to sing
I want to dance
I want to read a lot
I want to work day & night
I want to shout at the top of my voice
I want to scream like hell
I want to kill someone* ;-)
I want to be alone for atleast a month
I want to go out shopping all day
I want to eat a lot
I want to host a huge party
I want to love someone a lot
I want to be loved a lot
I want to become someone's life
I want to earn a lot
I want to perform on stage
I want to feel proud of myself
I want to be with my daughter all the time
I want to learn photography
I want to dance in the rain
I want to have a paintings' exhibition
I want to live very near to work place
I want to speak to my mom - right NOW!



current mood:  hopeful

Come on tell me whats yours ... :)

Let's take the oath

Most of us already know about CSAAM April 2011 drive going on in blogosphere, twitter world and on Facebook . All the action and contribution- survivor stories, therapists views, legal aspects have been remarkable. (I also posted on this here.)

After going through heart-breaking stories everyday, i realised how much pain is there in every heart. On the face of it the whole world seems like smiling while we crib non-stop about our everyday problems. All this has made me realise how much every tiny gesture of true love and care mean. How difficult is to have that someone in life who can be there not only in smiles and joy but also in sorrows and pain. Someone who would understand and not judge. Someone who will support and not shrug. Someone who will understand the unspoken words.

CSAAM - the month long initiative by blogger friends has added a new dimension to the thinking. We live in the denial world unconsiously repeating in our minds - "This cannot happen to us". All different perspectives on this subject have been very awakening. Honeslty, how many of us bother to go and find out the legal aspects of anything.The whole intitiative has given hope to many and helped heal up. For some - to be thankful for having got the support and love of that "someone" and for others for getting over that what that another  "someone" did to them.

Speak up, Talk, Discuss, get professional help, provide space and biggest of all "LISTEN" and listen with support. - All these have been the keywords this month. A gentle reminder to ourselves every now and then about this is what we need. We need to be aware and prepared ourselves to listen and provide the right advise and support. Be well-informed yourself first so you can give the right information to your kids. React sensibly to anything your kid talks to you about. It might start as a simple incident from kids' day but might mean a lot. Like us adults, kids also first try to develop a comfort zone before they can let out the actual inquisitiveness or fear. Again - LISTEN and react accordingly. Ignoring something small as just another incident from school/daycare might have dire consequences. Be Aware, pay attention!! Nothing is worth ignoring.

It's an ongoing and lifelong effort and goes on beyond this month - Let's pledge to make this world a safer place for oursleves, for our kids and for all future generations!!

Once again - as I already wrote here

It's time we take oath

That noone can loath

Every child will grow up safe

Lets give them this faith!!

Today Happiness to me is

Long time back i read a list like this somewhere (sorry cannot recall where). I felt so charged up after that that i felt I should do it myself someday. And believe me writing down these 10 things which  bring such happiness; was a great experience in itself. But note that this does not mean these are the only reaons to be happy in life. Life has much more in store only we need to stop and take the moment to pay attention. There can't be just 10 points to make up for all the happiness we witness everyday. If only we can make this a regular habit to ponder what happiness means to us, there will be smiles all around.

This is the reason the heading for this post says "Today Happiness to me is". I might have a totally different list tomorrow if i sit down again to write. (But that does not mean these reasons will not give me happiness anymore) This will stay and more will be added and the reasons to be happy will only be more and more.  

Happiness is…

A shy reaction plus a hug from the little angel in my life as soon as I enter home

Happiness is…

bright shiny sun later in the evening with time to sit on the newly owned swing in the garden.

Happiness is…

Longing to eat spinach, when one day I reach home after  work wondering what to cook for dinner– there is a lovely dinner ready to be eaten and the main dish is spinach exactly the way I love.

Happiness is…

Running late from home just to find out the train I wanted to catch is also delayed just enough for me to be in time for all further connections. ( Believe me it’s the best thing that can happen in the morning rush hour considering it takes me 1hr 45 min to travel to work)

Happiness is…

Getting a phone call from someone from home ( for me it will always be India) just when I am feeling depressed and low

Happiness is…

Waking up half an hour earlier than the alarm clock and feel all fresh and ready to start the new day(If i continue to sleep that half hours it feels like a bonus)

Happiness is…

Getting on the weighing scales after weeks dreading a huge weight gain esp after having done lot of binge eating and see the weight has actually fallen down

Happiness is…

Trying to fix a problem for whole week and not getting anywhere. And when its 5 minutes to leave on Friday evening – something you do suddenly works and solves not only that one issue but multiple issues (win win win)

Happiness is…

switching on the TV after days and see that your favourite movie is being played.

Happiness is…

Getting hold of the book you have been longing to read plus being able to take the time to read it the same day.

7-days to positivity - DAY 7

Finally I am on the last day of this experiment. I could not post everyday but then the positive side is that I felt that positivity for more days than just those 7 days :) Even though i did not post everyday, I still spent time reflecting on days' activities and the uplifters there-in. Isn't that the whole idea. It's great!

I think I would continue writing down 5 uplifters and happy incidents every now and then.

So how has this final day been -

1. That half hour extra that I slept this morning was absolutely great. Though i reached work half hour later yet it didn't matter much.
2. I am glad that just before leaving home I put on that cardigan. It was windy and cold outside.
3. Late to rise and early to bed...wow ..that was one luxury :) Went to put my daughter to bed and i think i slept before she did.
4. I love that "kruidenboter-stokbrood" (Bread with butter and herbs - kind of garlic bread). Had one -  freshly baked at home. What a pleasure!
5. Chatted with a friend after a very long time. She pinged and brought smiles. Thanks.

Isn't this life all about such small moments? These are the real ingredients which make life worth living.

Enjoy, have fun and smile!

7-days to positivity - DAY 6

I am doing it on alternate day basis but i am still happy that I can find out 5 things to feel great and thankful about everytime i try it.

So this list is for things from yesterday.

1. That fruit lunch yesterday was sooo nice. Me and a friend went out, brought a selection of different fruit, made a fruit salad. I had it  with that lemon juice and ahe had it with some powedered sugar and yoghurt.
2. It was a great feeling to wear that top again after like 6 more than months. It fits me again. YIPPEEEE.
3. I felt unwell yesterday but becasue of that my husband came to pick me up from work and i went backhome early. It was so great to take that nap on the couch while he cooked dinner :)
4. It was awesome when my daughter came back home from creche and saw me there. She got so super exccited and screamed out of joy. No need to say how elated and fortunate i felt.
5. I totally enjoyed watching that movie lying in bed with my little daughter lying next to me. Oh what pleasure it was!

:)
What a booster!!

7-days to positivity - DAY 5

I missed out one more day in between. Just was a bit busy day and then did not feel like logging on to my laptop by the end of the days. Preferred sleep over it :) Isn't that better? The idea is to feel good and keep up the positivity - whether i pen it down everyday or not.

Ok here goes my list including some uplifters from yesterday

1. Got to sleep in yesterday morning owing to headache... but yet  extra sleep is always gooooooooood.
2. Watched a movie in a thatre after almost 4 years. That was the HIGHLIGHT. The charm of it would take a days to fade away :)
3. Spoke with a very dear friend after a long time. Heard some bad news yet it was so nice to talk to her after months.
4. Got on the scales and saw some movement in the dircetion i would want it to keep moving :). I almost jumped with pleasure. 
5. Went to pick up my daughter from creche yesterday evening. Usually my hubby does that. I hardly go there ever because of my long travel to work. The pleasure and surprise on her face was beyond words. I will treasure that moment forever.

It feels great to write few things which make you feel great. If not today, they would surely help you later in life whenever you cpoem back and read them.

Enjoy!!

7-Days to positivity - Day 4

A litte bit late posting for day 4 but so what.....what matters  is that i feel happy about something and feel better :)

Here goes today's dosage.

1. Got up early to finish some household work so I can have a relaxed day later on. Yes it felt great.
2. Finished some long pending cleaning tasks...it's the most wonderful feeling of the day. I have been quite stressed about all the pending work ..there is still lots left yet as long as its moving ..i am more than glad.
3. Did finger painting with my little girl. Can't tell how great it felt. Enjoyed it thoroughly.
4. Watched a movie, painted nails in new design :) Loving it. This is third design in 3 weeks. I plan to change every week. I absolutely love it.
5. 
   Had dal-rice with mango pickle for dinner tonight. Its a bliss. Nothing compares to that.
What a lovely day!!

7-days to positivity - DAY 3

Today is one of theose days when you go through extremes of moods. At some point you feel happiest of
all and then in couple of hours you feel competely opposite.

Today is one such day. The day started with me feeling very low but then got so happy and then again bit low. Thats the cycle of life.  The key is to keep holding on to that moment of happiness and admire it at the time when things don't go the way we think is right.

My positive moments of the day are :

1. That 10 min nap in the metro this morning. It gave me more relief than the whole night sleep  :)
   
   
2. Listening to that absolutely awesome music which my darling friend gave to me as a gift.
   
   
3. I felt so so so lucky and fortunate to have a really great friend here.
   
   
4. I am so happy it's friday today. i am looking forward to so many things - being with my little girl, watching some movie, sleeping and just being home
   
   
5. I am so glad that i can sew and also have one sewing machine. I like sewing. And i loved it how I made short kurtis/tops out of long indian suits i had which i were not wearing anymore :) I converted one long shirt to top last night too. 

I definetely feel better after going through this process of remembering all things which give true happiness.

What about your day?

7-days to positivity - DAY 2

Oh its GREAT! Life is great. you are great. I am great. Day is great. Place is great. I am happy :) and smiing. Isn't that infectious. Are you smiling as yet?
Ok that was like a spoonful of  positivity syrup. Doesn't it make us feel good. A spoon full gives such relief to our sore soul. We  stop coughing. We are able to get that sleep we have been missing.

This dosage of  positivity syrup helps us realise its all much smoother than we thought.
Here is my spoonful of positivity for the day. And I am feeling absolutely awesome :)

1. A very dear friend of mine asked me for my opinion about a very important decision of his life. I felt great and thankful for being so important in someone's life and that my views actually mattered so much.
   
2. I could actually motivate a friend and make her feel great about something she and her partner are going to buy soon. She was not at all excited about it and tought it was a wastage unless we focussed on the bright side of it and allthe benifits. They surely did surpass the negatives :) And she is all looking forward to it now.
   I felt great that I could add to positivity in her life.
   
3. I was sooo happy when inspite of running so late in the morning and leaving home too late to catch the metro - i managed to run fast enough and catch it :)
   
4. I am happy that i can actually finish more than 2 jugs full of water in a day. I have been drinking too less..sometimes just one glass whole day.
   
5. I so enjoyed that fruit flavored water this morning. Isn't it awesome how many types of "water" we get these days:) Though the traditional plain simple cool water wins over hands-down.

Ok that  was generous serving of  the syrup for the day.

Smile and Think positive!

7-days to positivity

Preeti mentioned this wonderful way of adding some positivity in life. We always focus on all negative things happening around. Mind always takes us to whatever is not right. First thoughts about anything out of normal routine bring all negatives possible. We look up and see clouds only and totally miss that ray of light and that sun shining somewhere behind. And when it shines brightly, we look up and see the scorching heat rays only and pay no attention to the life flourishing around with that heat and shine.

So to remind myself of all that we usually miss out and be thankful for tiny smiles, i am taking up this 7-day challenge. For 7 days now i am going to smile and feel good about everything that goes unnoticed but can actually be uplifting. Afterall what matters in the end is the happiness we felt and smiles we shared in this journey called life.

Here goes my list for today -

1. I am happy to get that email from my sis early morning as my open my inbox.
2. Enjoyed lovely sushi for lunch with 2 friends. 
3. Was happy to have left that extra pair of sandals at work yesterday. I could wear them today after my feet got sore in high heels :)
4. I felt grateful for feeling full with having only half the quantity of food I usually eat. ( Someone trying to loose weight can understand that pleasure)
5. I am thankful for that extra time in the morning because of which i could alter my new pair of triusers and wear them today :) ( How cool is that)

WOW...am feeling all charged up

GO..think again and be happy :)

The rest of our life... (Day 24)

Life is all about ups and downs-sometimes it makes u feel the happiest and the greatest in the world and next moment u feel like the most unfortunate one on earth.

It's all about balance And there is the need for a proper balance in everything in life..Just everything...

I always wondered why am i the one always picked up for all the bad happenings in life until I started paying more attention to the good-happy moments too.And i realised that at those rejoicing moments i actually get the maximum possible happiness...It might not last like that forever but the traces stay on. Learn to count those moments rather than the ones which cause pain and break u into pieces...

Faith is the strongest power. Keep the faith and u would win over every situation.

It is not about having lots of friends or a lover or a partner to be there by your side throughout that roller coaster ride that u are on...It's about holding tight to that seat and not letting yourself fall off. You need that inner strength- strength to keep holding on to your beliefs and faith and to the hope that u would soon come out of it safely and smiling.

It's on us to decide what kind of life we want to have - an average one where people will have to spend sometime to remember who we were or the one that would bring smiles on faces at our mere mention. And this all is possile with how much smiles we spread in our life. How much smiles we spread around depends on how much we believe in ourself and rejoice in every single moment.

There are reasons to smile all around us....a child's smile, a beautiful sun or a cloud with a silver line, some giggle, colorful flowers, raindrops, those busy streets with people laughing, shops full of things we love, that sale somewhere on our favorite store, that new favorite food restaurant just around the corner, a phone call from home, an email from friend, favorite player scoring a goal in soccer, weekend after every few days :), those flights to book for vacation, that countdown to visiting home.

Look around and you will have many reasons to smile and be happy !!

I owe (Day 13)

Few days back NaBloPoMo had  this prompt - "Do i owe an apology to anyone" And i started thinking...
Do i owe an apology to anyone - Oh Yes - i do and to so many.


May be its time i should apologize atleast for my own self ( The selfish us never dies - right? )

I owe an apology to my parents for not listening to them when they would advise me about my career and further studies

I owe an apology to all my friends with whom i could not keep in touch even after all those childhood promises for being in touch all our lives

I owe an apology to my sister for making her drink my glass of milk (not just once but many many times) and threating her for telling that to mom.

I owe an apology to my parents again for pretending i am very sad about scoring less in exam in one of the subjects and then not eating to show my sadness when i actually ate after my sister secretly got me food in the room.

I owe an apology to my brother for shouting at him so many times when I actually knew it was my fault.

I owe an apology to my little daughter for getting angry at her and for not being there for her all the time. I Wish I could!!

I owe an apology to my husband for being so short-tempered ALL the time.

I owe an apology to myself for not keeping the promises i make to be more careful about health.

Family Tree

I am feeling quite angry and embarrassed with myself today....guess what..

I was filling some form for work and i had to answer to some secret questions for hints just in case i forget things like password etc. You knwo those hint questions in email accounts which help to retrieve forgotten passwords. Ok so there was a question - "What is the name of your maternal grandmom" And can you believe it - I j-u-s-t c-o-u-l-d n-o-t r-e-m-e-m-b-e-r :( I tried hard to...but the name would just not come to my mind. I could only remember what we used to call her - Badi Mummy. I felt so bad. Ok so i went through the list of other questions available which I could use there instead of that one. And Guess what - most questions there were about names of grand parents. I couldn't have felt more shameful. So I thought of writing down all names here and have a family tree - just for rememberance sake.