Chef's pride - Post 4

What a saturday-i must say!! Ok very beautiful outside. Lovely sunny weather.. And I in all excitement put on my chef cap and apron to churn out some equally lovely mouth-watering dishes (atleast thats what the idea was)

I begin...ok before i miss out imp detail.. The plan was to BAKE some goodies!

Ok so the adventure began. Internet search..hopping on my fav food blogs.

Shortlisted.. Needed some savoury ones only.

Baked first one with super enthusiasm. Looked lovely. First bite... Duhhhh...shocker yet i maintained my smile and waited for hubby's reaction. No words from there. I go guessing mode. Did he like it? Reallyyy? How can he? Is it anywhere near liking. Nah! He is just pretending. I ignore and dont request an opinion.

I start dish no 2. Enthu is still intact. I got on to second "first trial" dish or rather snack which it actually was supposed to be. (notice 'was')
Ok so all mixed up well..added my super brain ideas to it and plop-it goes in oven. Very high hopes and confidence saw it rising breath-takingly :) So the recipe said 20min. I checked it twice in 20 min :) (so much cOnfidence that i thought it might bake in half the time-shouldn't super enthu do that... Lessen the baking time)
It seemed to work opposite(note 'work' - oh ya sure) I gave up afer 30 min. Took them out and checked again, still not done...WHAT????? I checked my patience level. Veryyyy low. And the dish goes in microwave for rest of the cooking. 2 min and seemed like they were done. With pride i invite hubby over to eat. In my heart i felt like a MasterChef having managed a super looking dish inspite of those not-to-be-told moments in between. I was in so much hurry to eat them all myself but good wife and chef that I am - i waited for him to take a bite first. Hmmmmmm.... Again no reaction, no words of praise. Perhaps o e is short of words when things are tooooooo good ;)( did you miss out those extra "o" in too?) ok so let me take the bite and indulge in the goodness of life-food. Bahhh.. What.. This can't be right! I ask for some ketchup. Nah not enough. I ask for some hotter sauce with lits of chilli. Hmm little better now. (oh did i tell u hubby had already walked away after one bite, he seemed to be on search mission.. Something edible) The so called yummy lookibg dish had too much salt and was still under-cooked!

I think i forgot to mention third dish was already in oven while i was doing the quich microwave part. Ok so i had very very high hopes from this one. It can't go wrong thrice. Right? Come on say it...ok i heard it. Thanks!!

Well this one was bit time taking one. An hour kinda. I kept an eye. In between i started cleaning up the chef's adda since morning. It looked as if i cooked for 50 people. I did remember to check in between. Afterall am a master chef.. Multi tasking is my trait ;)

Almost an hour later, it was done. I take out (doubled up pride) Again patience is not my virtue. I pick up the nicest of knives only to start slicing out my pride to crumbs. The crust had got super hard. It had stuck to bottom. Ok inside was ok-ish. Never mind.. Inside is what matters .. Dil accha to sab accha (ignore that)

Did you just ask about hubby's reaction on this? Haha.. Am i crazy? Am a chef.. A master chef, i know what to offer and what not ;) so i silently kept this dish covered on one side and got into making our tried and tested.. Dal and baingan ka bartha( lentils and aubergine something)

So we DID finally enjoy the food what if it was not as per the first plan ;) :)

Remembering Beginnings - Post 3

Warning : My posts these days are full of introspection. Too much thinking, pondering and analysis mode going on. Please bear with me.

Also, I am not sure if you all can read that. I tried to translate but it didn't have the same effect as in hindi. So i let it be like that.

 
मनन  क्यूँ  बहका
आंसूं क्यूँ  छलका  
कुछ  तो  था
जो  दिल  को  छु  के  निकला

पेद्द  झूमे
डालियाँ  घबरायीं
पत्तों  ने  हवा  का  हाथ  थामा
हवा  ने  भी  साथ  निभाया

इक  झोंका  जो  यादें  जगा  के  निकला
दिल  को यूँ  हिला  के  निकला
यादों  की  लड़ी  बनती  चली  गयी
कहीं  आंसूं  कहीं  मुस्कान 

बिखरती चली गयी  

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

It all begins with a minor hint.The beginnings are what always stay somewhere hidden deep inside. We do forget the journey in between but we never forget the beginning. It gets registered in some seperate memory corner. A faint trigger and it all comes back. We feel as if it was yesterday. And How we wish we could go back and begin again. (Atleast i think so quite often)

A trigger of past and the chain reaction begins. All phases become fresh like episodes one after the other. A never ending show. Some make us proud, some make us want to do all over again perhaps differently. I have this strange and bad habit of thinking I could have done it better. I forget the part that - If I could have done it better I would have - right - then and there.

Decisions - an unfinished tale - Post 2

Decisions were taken

Paths were chosen

Fog was thick

Yet i decided to stick

Movement was slow

Steps were small

It took a while

For that kid to grow

It rained all the time

And storms hit too

I still laughed and smiled

hanging there as wind chime

Events became past

Memories faded

Friends were lost

It all happened so fast

Many years later

Thoughts are revived

emotions let loose

So I could fill up that crater

Life only goes forward

No U-turns allowed

But take that moment 

to sit and look backword

its a roller-coaster

highs of happiness

lows of sadness

hold on...

breathe calm...

remember the decision

remember the dream

.....

....

I just cannot get any more words to write after this.......i so want to add to it...feels like a block

This is an unfinished tale 

Can someone help me take it further???

Please leave your words in comments and I will add them here tomorrow

MAY BE - Post 1

I had this urge to go for NaBloPoMo this month but didn't see anyone participating so felt bit lonely and gave up the idea. And today i see Monika and a wonderful gang of girls in this and I just could not stay away. Ofcourse I want to :) :)

The theme for this month is "MAYBE"
and the prompt for today is "Talk about you feel about making decisions"

So here I start my first one with an impromptu poem...or just whats on my mind :)

Enjoy

I chose to pen down all this

because i wanted you to know

I am happy with your efforts

in helping me grow

for your never complaining nature

and for always being there

to tell me i deserve it

to show me you care

for that ever smiling face

and turning everything fun

so i can be happy

and make those sorrows run

I also want to tell you

I do get angry always

and say a lot that hurts

but do not mean that serious 

as its just an anger spurt

I want to tell you lot more

i also want to listen

I want to be there always 

and also want you to be there

MAYBE i will say it all

MAYBE i will hold you

And someday i will stand by you

And not let you ever fall

This MAYBE keeps life moving

and gives us that hope

someday we will do it all

without the need of proving

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

Let's take the oath

Most of us already know about CSAAM April 2011 drive going on in blogosphere, twitter world and on Facebook . All the action and contribution- survivor stories, therapists views, legal aspects have been remarkable. (I also posted on this here.)

After going through heart-breaking stories everyday, i realised how much pain is there in every heart. On the face of it the whole world seems like smiling while we crib non-stop about our everyday problems. All this has made me realise how much every tiny gesture of true love and care mean. How difficult is to have that someone in life who can be there not only in smiles and joy but also in sorrows and pain. Someone who would understand and not judge. Someone who will support and not shrug. Someone who will understand the unspoken words.

CSAAM - the month long initiative by blogger friends has added a new dimension to the thinking. We live in the denial world unconsiously repeating in our minds - "This cannot happen to us". All different perspectives on this subject have been very awakening. Honeslty, how many of us bother to go and find out the legal aspects of anything.The whole intitiative has given hope to many and helped heal up. For some - to be thankful for having got the support and love of that "someone" and for others for getting over that what that another  "someone" did to them.

Speak up, Talk, Discuss, get professional help, provide space and biggest of all "LISTEN" and listen with support. - All these have been the keywords this month. A gentle reminder to ourselves every now and then about this is what we need. We need to be aware and prepared ourselves to listen and provide the right advise and support. Be well-informed yourself first so you can give the right information to your kids. React sensibly to anything your kid talks to you about. It might start as a simple incident from kids' day but might mean a lot. Like us adults, kids also first try to develop a comfort zone before they can let out the actual inquisitiveness or fear. Again - LISTEN and react accordingly. Ignoring something small as just another incident from school/daycare might have dire consequences. Be Aware, pay attention!! Nothing is worth ignoring.

It's an ongoing and lifelong effort and goes on beyond this month - Let's pledge to make this world a safer place for oursleves, for our kids and for all future generations!!

Once again - as I already wrote here

It's time we take oath

That noone can loath

Every child will grow up safe

Lets give them this faith!!

Today Happiness to me is

Long time back i read a list like this somewhere (sorry cannot recall where). I felt so charged up after that that i felt I should do it myself someday. And believe me writing down these 10 things which  bring such happiness; was a great experience in itself. But note that this does not mean these are the only reaons to be happy in life. Life has much more in store only we need to stop and take the moment to pay attention. There can't be just 10 points to make up for all the happiness we witness everyday. If only we can make this a regular habit to ponder what happiness means to us, there will be smiles all around.

This is the reason the heading for this post says "Today Happiness to me is". I might have a totally different list tomorrow if i sit down again to write. (But that does not mean these reasons will not give me happiness anymore) This will stay and more will be added and the reasons to be happy will only be more and more.  

Happiness is…

A shy reaction plus a hug from the little angel in my life as soon as I enter home

Happiness is…

bright shiny sun later in the evening with time to sit on the newly owned swing in the garden.

Happiness is…

Longing to eat spinach, when one day I reach home after  work wondering what to cook for dinner– there is a lovely dinner ready to be eaten and the main dish is spinach exactly the way I love.

Happiness is…

Running late from home just to find out the train I wanted to catch is also delayed just enough for me to be in time for all further connections. ( Believe me it’s the best thing that can happen in the morning rush hour considering it takes me 1hr 45 min to travel to work)

Happiness is…

Getting a phone call from someone from home ( for me it will always be India) just when I am feeling depressed and low

Happiness is…

Waking up half an hour earlier than the alarm clock and feel all fresh and ready to start the new day(If i continue to sleep that half hours it feels like a bonus)

Happiness is…

Getting on the weighing scales after weeks dreading a huge weight gain esp after having done lot of binge eating and see the weight has actually fallen down

Happiness is…

Trying to fix a problem for whole week and not getting anywhere. And when its 5 minutes to leave on Friday evening – something you do suddenly works and solves not only that one issue but multiple issues (win win win)

Happiness is…

switching on the TV after days and see that your favourite movie is being played.

Happiness is…

Getting hold of the book you have been longing to read plus being able to take the time to read it the same day.

CSAAM - It's only the Beginning!!

A touch here and a touch there...

Who knows its affecting where

Tiny brain tries to make sense

the adult brain makes it tense

Little soul senses trouble

Tries to run away from the fumble

Something haunts day and night

Noone knows that there is no light

Deep inside the darkness grows

Kills desires ...only pain flows

Mind tries to move on

Pain n guilt keeps tagging along

Life goes on...

And along grows the refusal to go on

World’s unaware and noone notices change

Making it all even more strange

Confidence vanishes

And dreams get crushed

Years pass by...

thoughts don’t give way

Hiding behind

Was all one could say

O a simple wish...
wish that someone would come one day

And understand it all the unsaid way

Take away that agony
Take away that pain
Give me my childhood
So I can grow up again

Come stand up

Come join in

We still have time

Together we can chime

Its time we take oath

That noone can loath

Every child will grow up safe

Lets give them this faith!!

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

CSA – something the majority of us have experienced as much by known and as by strangers. A topic much suppressed by family. Afterall who wants to face the shame and guilt that it will bring to the family. In this whole shame-avoiding scene The family forgets about the shame and guilt that gets embossed in the child’s life.

How much impact an ignorable incident can have on one’s life is immeasurable. The Fear experienced can manifest itself in anxiety, panic, depression and insomnia. This is accompanied by feelings of powerlessness, insecurity, worthlessness and loneliness. Children often remain silent about sexual abuse. They feel ashamed, feel guilty or fear the perpetrator and think it will be more difficult for themselves when the abuse comes out.

After going through so many posts this month – we do not need any further proof of how deep a so-called minor and “sshhh….ed” incident can have on an innocent mind. It is a mutual responsibility of us parents and grownups to stop and punish anyone who tries to invade the territory of innocence.

I have been reading a lot on internet and came across wonderful and simple information on “From Darkness to Light”


A matter of 7 steps - 7 Steps to Protecting Our Children

• Step 1: Learn the Facts
• Step 2: Minimize Opportunity
• Step 3: Talk About It
• Step 4: Stay Alert
• Step 5: Make a Plan
• Step 6: Act on Suspicions
• Step 7: Get Involved

And it was so apty said - The 7 Steps is Only the Beginning!!


Another very important aspect in this hi-tech era is to protect our kids in digital world. CSA is not just physical abuse – it includes all the porn some perverts try to introduce to youngsters.
Here is another good source on …

5 Tips to Protect Your Children in the Digital Age


All this has been said and emphasizes many times this month. But the idea is to generate as much awareness as we can. We need to stand up and take the right steps well in time. The healing will happen in the whole process along with confidence getting stronger. Our kids need us! And we need our kids – safe and happy!!

Go Visit - Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month - April 2011