Tired and Homesick

For many days I have been writing something but not posting as it was all full of frustrattions and rants.
Then I thought - So what - this is my blog and my space. Why do i have to hold back but I feel like writing.
Writing helps release all the tensions. So I will write whatever i feel like and post it too.

So - Bear with me if you find it all very negative and full of frustrations.

(You can stop reading if you are in no mood to listen to any more of rants)

So Its been more than one year since I visited family. Last we went to India was in Oct-Nov 2010.
This is holiday season here. Everyone is taking off and going to visit families. The office is calmer and quieter (not work-wise though) And so many people have alreday asked me about my holiday plans and If i am visiting my family. I must say - I cannot - just CANNOT take that question any more. I am NOT going to India this year and i have speand awful amount of time to prepare myself to accept that. But may be I should not get upset about people asking me this. Afterall this is the only topic everyone is talking about these days.

So yes - I am upset about the fact that i have not seen my family for over a year now and wont see them for coming few months either.
Besides, what is making it worse is lots of other worries of life. I am loosing it all. I am loosing all pateince to deal with anything. I get angry at the drop of a a feather (Did you get the meaning?!!?!?!?)
And here comes the worst bit of it all - I take out so much of my anger on my kid :( I dont want to do that and I dont do that intentionally but that what happens. She ends up getting scolded for every small thing. I am guilty as hell for this behaviour of mine but i just cannot help it. Someone out there please please tell me how to deal with this. Any advise is welcome.

The I am fedup of managing this work-life balance. I cannot do this anymore. I just cannot. I feel physically and mentally exhausted. The reasons being millions.

I am not at all blaming the world for my worries but it does seem like the whole universe is conspiring to turn things against me.Nothing goes right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aakhon mein aasun
dil mein dard
kaise yeh pal hien
kaise yeh raat

sapnon kee woh dhundli tasveer
jane kis badal kee peeche chupi hai
jane kyun suraj gayab hua hai
jane kyun baarish rukti nahin hai
jane kyun dil kee awaaz nahin hai
jane kyun aakhen kuch kehti nahin hein
jane kyun iss rah pe chali ja rahi hun
jane kyun duji rah nazar na aaye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woman - I bow | VAW Awareness Month October 2011

High in pain 

Low in feeling 

The woman inside 

Is calmly dealing 

Each day is big 

Each day is heavy 

Those Tears are dry 

And no longer cry 

Head bounces in anger

Heart refuses to beat 

Eyes do not flutter 

Mind loaded with clutter 

Scars are hidden 

Emotions are dead 

Yet Smiles grow 

This "woman" i bow!

Stree Shakti | VAW Awareness Month October 2011

For October, a group of bloggers and friends are planning a powerful initiative, taking the topic of Violence Against Women. They are aware of the fact that the subject on violence against woman is very wide and includes multiple aspects. To ensure that this awareness campaign is effective, they have limited the scope to the following aspects...

1. Domestic violence – Physical violence against the woman by husband/partner and other family members
2. Violence against girl child including deprivation
3. Sexual violence – including marital rape, date rape
4. Emotional/psychological abuse
5. Dowry related violence including Bride Burning
6. Female Infanticide
7. Acid attacks

So - COME. JOIN IN and SUPPORT the cause. It's for YOU, ME and every other female around the world.

This is a week of celebrations in India. Ofcourse Indians all over the world are celebrating too. This is the Celebration of the Goddess - the power of womenhood - stree shakti! The power that can nurture a heart and fight a demon. Such is the power of a woman. The fearlessness and patience a woman can show is beyond  measure.

Lets get together, celebrate these 9 days and pay our tributes to all those women who - inspite of all odds and being victims of violence - stood up and fought for getting the smiles in their lives. Lets salute each on of them! Lets salute their courage!

Just a Reminder

I just want to remind my self to Read Read Read....

It's been ages since i read properly....i mean a book.


I miss reading.

Yaadein - Memories

मन्न  क्यूँ  बहका
आंसूं   क्यूँ  छलके 
कुछ  तो  था
जो  दिल  को  छु  के  निकला

वृक्ष  झूमे
डालियाँ  घबरायीं
पत्तों  ने  हवा  का  हाथ  थामा
हवा  ने  भी  साथ  निभाया

इक  झोंका  जो  यादें  जगा  के  निकला
दिल  को  यूँ  हिला  के  निकला
यादों  की  लम्बी   सी  लड़ी
बनती  ही  चली  गयी

कुछ  आसूं  छलके
कुछ  मुस्कुराहटें  बिखरीं
थोरे  गम्म  याद  आये
थोरी  खुशियाँ  नज़र  आयीं

आज  बेठी  हूँ  में
उन्  पालों  में  गुम
वोह  पल  जो  यादें  हैं
वोह  पल  जो  याद  आते  हैं

Mann kyun behka
Aanshun kyun chalka
Kuch to tha
Jo dil ko chu ke nikla

Vriksha jhume
Daaliyan ghabrayin
Patton ne hawa ka haath thama
Hawa ne bhi saath nibhaya

Ik jhonka Jo yaadein jaga ke nikla
Dil ko yun hila ke nikla
Yaadon kee lambi si ladi
banti hee chali gayi

kuch aasoon chalke
kuch muskurahatein bikhrin
thore gamm yaad aaye
thori khushiyan nazar aayin

aaj bethi hun mein
unn paalon mein gum
woh pal jo yaadein hein
woh pal jo yaad aate hien

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

If you are interested in more poetry here - here is the link

Anjaane se lagte ho

Ae anjaane saathi mere

yun saath chalte chalte

ho gaye kayi saal humein

phir bhi kyun lagte ho

tum anjane se meet mere

woh din yeh lamhe

nikalte hee chale jayengay

hum yun hee iss tarah

saath chalte hee jayengay

Na jane kyun ummeed hai mujhe

zindagi kee kisi rah pe

yun hee guzarte hue kisi mod se

dekhengay hum ik baar phir se

mein janungi tumhe aur tum pehchanoge mujhe

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

Edited to Add: Just realised this is my 150th post. Saw this number just like that after i posted this. I would not have liked my some spl number post to be anything else than poetry. I am glad it turned out to be like this. If you are interested in more poetry here - here is the link

10 Days of ME - Day 6 - Foods

My 10 Days of Me Challenge has gone way beyond 10 days. Ok - who said it has to be in 10 consecutive days (self convincing) So here i am back again with another day.
And this time it is ...umm..let me see..ok so its is

Five Foods....(bas maar daalo itni choti selection se) - Selecting only 5 - Are you kidding me? I can go on writing forever and yet the list wont end. There goes the foodie.

Ok here i begin the hard task of selecting 5.

Rajma Chawal (Red Kidney beans and Rice) - Now this is on my mind today. Want it now now now. Thanks to the tweet mentioning it.

Spaghetti pescatore (Sea Food Spaghetti) - there is no other dish easier to make than this and its just brilliant. I am totally in love with it. Purely italian, recipe from an italian and we are hooked on to this like anything. I can have it any time any quantity :)

Falafel - Love this one with all the salad and sauces there. Don't miss out on those full chillies. Awesome vegetarian lunch.

Samosa - This is one thing i have loved from ever since I remember. But I totally detest those fancy version of real samosa with all that dry fruit, paneer etc etc etc added. I love my samosa from a small corner shop with only masala potatoes there in. And ofcourse with that awesome green chutney.

I am thinking thinking thinking about what to put as fifth...there are sooo many options coming to my mind.....am thinking thinking

Chicken Tikka - Our very own desi chicken tikka. Love it anyway with some hot hot green chutney. BTW, I absolutely love biryanis too. (Secretely adding another one to fifth point)

OK so that was my list....and I am so hungry now. And All i have is a soup. Ok its Miso soup with chicken.

~~~~~~~~~

10 Days of ME - Day 1 - Secrets
10 Days of ME - Day 2 - Loves
10 Days of ME - Day 3 - Fears
10 Days of ME - Day 4 - Wants
10 Days of ME - Day 5 - Places