Tuesday, June 28, 2011

10 Days of ME - Day 3 - Fears

Here I am on Day 3..Talking about fears. As i started writing this my mind wandered. What are fears? Is it some thing that scares us? is it some inner feeling that keeps us away from something? Is it something we dread? Is it something we would not want to happen coime what may?

I could not decide which one of these it is. Or so I thought. It is perhaps all of them. Fear - which each one has in some form of the other. Fear of loosing! Fear of gaining! Fear of leaving! Fear of meeting!

My mind struggled to let these out...
Here is my list... 8 fears...

My biggest fear is being alone. How muich ever i would say I want some alone time - the truth is I cannot be alone. I go crazy. Ic annot eat. i cannot do anything. Weel, thatd oes not mean i cannot stay alone at home for a while or anything like that. I mean alone forever, alone in life, alone and lonely!

I cannot bear the thought of loosing my loved ones. Its my biggest fear. I do not know how it is to cope with any such loss and i do not want to expereicne that ever.

I absolutely dread lizards. eww...even the thought is giving me shivers. So i leave this topic here as it is.

I am dead scared of snakes. I cannot even look at them.

Whenever I take a bus, train or any other public transport  - I always fear that I am in the  wrong one. I need to check outside and also inside  to be sure I am in the right one. So much so  that every single day I take a bus from station to my office and back. Its the only big red colored bus on that route. All other buses are from different companies/services hence diff colors. Yet when i take this, I always always - for a split second - doubt that I am in the wrong bus.I check on the screens inside bus or listen to driver for being sure.

At one point loosing my friends was something I thought I would not be able to take. Yet with passing time, friends came and went. Some close and deeply cherished ones stopped communicating. Having gone through that - I do not fear this anymore. People come and go, if they have the true connection with your heart, they willbe there - come what may. Others will blame it on distances, getting married, having kids, busy schedules, hectic lives etc etc etc.

I have this strange fear of loosing a day. I want to remain awake till as late as possible. i feel if i sleep the day will end. And it will end forever.

As a child I used to be aftraid of darkenss. Bt not anymore. Darkness triggers mind to think beyond what is obvious. Its triggers other senses too.


10 Days of ME - Day 1 - Secrets
10 Days of ME - Day 2 - Loves

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