Friday, December 30, 2011

2011 - That was...

Another year is almost over. Time to reflect back and recall the moments of joy and appreciate them and also moments of pain to learn and get stronger.

Family : No visiting family back home this year which is sad But actually could talk more to them this year - thanks to the technology and options available for making calls.

Home : Home has been in the worst ever condition this year. - Fail fail fail.
Plans to buy new house- fail.
Rearrange the current house - fail

Work : Got the new role - Good. But also had to deal with lots of troubles at work. There are still 2 more days left for this year so can't say anything. - Worrying

Travel : Very very less travel (If i exclude my daily commute to work which is average 4 hrs each day). Only 2 small out of country vacations that too for only 4-5 days each and one in NL only. - so OK OK.

Finances : No saving dont this whole year. - Major sadness. But I didn cut down a lot on my shopping expenses and also we could cut down on eating out expenses - Small Achievements

Kid : As before could not give much time to her - Shame on me :(
Kid got lots of scolding from me this whole year - Major sadness
Tried to do some craft activities with the kid - Smiles
Kid started school this year - Happiness and Pride

Hobbies : Bought new camera this year which brought along tons of happiness. Clicked some really nice shots and am very happy about it. Already got one more new Lens as gift. - Happiness
Also wrote quite some poetry this year. - Satisfaction

Health : Health has been ok this year. Just backache problems which gave me hard time for couple of months. - Not bad

Books : Did almost no reading this whole year - Feeling lost and sad. Though I did buy some nice books to read. Currently reading Steve Jobs biography. Hopefully more will be read in the coming new year. - Hope

Mood : The mood throghout this year has been low and bad and angry. (I pity my dear husband who had to bear the brunt of it all)

Overall : A simple, normal year. Nothing vey exciting happened and nothing really bad either.

So Am thankful for all the good times we had.

Highlights of the year : New DSLR, Holday with friends, a decade of being married, daughter starting school and NO serious health problems

Happy New Year to all of you!
May the new year brings along lots of reasons to smile and be happy. Have good health, have peace of mind and keep loving!!

See you next year.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Tired and Homesick

For many days I have been writing something but not posting as it was all full of frustrattions and rants.
Then I thought - So what - this is my blog and my space. Why do i have to hold back but I feel like writing.
Writing helps release all the tensions. So I will write whatever i feel like and post it too.

So - Bear with me if you find it all very negative and full of frustrations.

(You can stop reading if you are in no mood to listen to any more of rants)

So Its been more than one year since I visited family. Last we went to India was in Oct-Nov 2010.
This is holiday season here. Everyone is taking off and going to visit families. The office is calmer and quieter (not work-wise though) And so many people have alreday asked me about my holiday plans and If i am visiting my family. I must say - I cannot - just CANNOT take that question any more. I am NOT going to India this year and i have speand awful amount of time to prepare myself to accept that. But may be I should not get upset about people asking me this. Afterall this is the only topic everyone is talking about these days.

So yes - I am upset about the fact that i have not seen my family for over a year now and wont see them for coming few months either.
Besides, what is making it worse is lots of other worries of life. I am loosing it all. I am loosing all pateince to deal with anything. I get angry at the drop of a a feather (Did you get the meaning?!!?!?!?)
And here comes the worst bit of it all - I take out so much of my anger on my kid :( I dont want to do that and I dont do that intentionally but that what happens. She ends up getting scolded for every small thing. I am guilty as hell for this behaviour of mine but i just cannot help it. Someone out there please please tell me how to deal with this. Any advise is welcome.

The I am fedup of managing this work-life balance. I cannot do this anymore. I just cannot. I feel physically and mentally exhausted. The reasons being millions.

I am not at all blaming the world for my worries but it does seem like the whole universe is conspiring to turn things against me.Nothing goes right.

Aakhon mein aasun
dil mein dard
kaise yeh pal hien
kaise yeh raat

sapnon kee woh dhundli tasveer
jane kis badal kee peeche chupi hai
jane kyun suraj gayab hua hai
jane kyun baarish rukti nahin hai
jane kyun dil kee awaaz nahin hai
jane kyun aakhen kuch kehti nahin hein
jane kyun iss rah pe chali ja rahi hun
jane kyun duji rah nazar na aaye