For many days I have been writing something but not posting as it was all full of frustrattions and rants.
Then I thought - So what - this is my blog and my space. Why do i have to hold back but I feel like writing.
Writing helps release all the tensions. So I will write whatever i feel like and post it too.
So - Bear with me if you find it all very negative and full of frustrations.
(You can stop reading if you are in no mood to listen to any more of rants)
So Its been more than one year since I visited family. Last we went to India was in Oct-Nov 2010.
This is holiday season here. Everyone is taking off and going to visit families. The office is calmer and quieter (not work-wise though) And so many people have alreday asked me about my holiday plans and If i am visiting my family. I must say - I cannot - just CANNOT take that question any more. I am NOT going to India this year and i have speand awful amount of time to prepare myself to accept that. But may be I should not get upset about people asking me this. Afterall this is the only topic everyone is talking about these days.
So yes - I am upset about the fact that i have not seen my family for over a year now and wont see them for coming few months either.
Besides, what is making it worse is lots of other worries of life. I am loosing it all. I am loosing all pateince to deal with anything. I get angry at the drop of a a feather (Did you get the meaning?!!?!?!?)
And here comes the worst bit of it all - I take out so much of my anger on my kid :( I dont want to do that and I dont do that intentionally but that what happens. She ends up getting scolded for every small thing. I am guilty as hell for this behaviour of mine but i just cannot help it. Someone out there please please tell me how to deal with this. Any advise is welcome.
The I am fedup of managing this work-life balance. I cannot do this anymore. I just cannot. I feel physically and mentally exhausted. The reasons being millions.
I am not at all blaming the world for my worries but it does seem like the whole universe is conspiring to turn things against me.Nothing goes right.
Aakhon mein aasun
dil mein dard
kaise yeh pal hien
kaise yeh raat
sapnon kee woh dhundli tasveer
jane kis badal kee peeche chupi hai
jane kyun suraj gayab hua hai
jane kyun baarish rukti nahin hai
jane kyun dil kee awaaz nahin hai
jane kyun aakhen kuch kehti nahin hein
jane kyun iss rah pe chali ja rahi hun
jane kyun duji rah nazar na aaye