Beyond words

Because there comes a time when you have countless things to say but you go quiet. Nothing comes out. Your heart and your mind struggle to say it all- some anger, some happiness, some disappointment and some love. To tell it all in one go. But no words form. You are left with that struggle in your head. 

You go over each emotion and try to give it words. 

In vain. 

You try to justify yourself. 

Reaching nowhere. 

You want to explain. 

Fail.

You secretly wish your silence could be understood. You wish your thoughts transfer to the other person on their own with the true right meaning. 

Fight goes on. 

Because wishes too require action. 

And action takes efforts. 

And efforts take courage. 

And courage takes heart-mind sync. 

I am hoping. 

I am waiting. 

I am struggling. 

Locked

Memories. Moments. Thoughts. 

Such and more. 

Situations. 

Everything gets locked up in a seperate container in our little brain. Some for years long. Some just for days. And it takes a tiny trigger to get the box opened and let that all spillover. 

Sometimes you know and recognise those memories right away. And other times you are unable to put your finger on what exactly is it. What's about that memory box that starts bothering you in a split second. It makes you uncomfortable. It even makes you cry. At times it makes you start missing someone who has no connection at all to that memory. 

A small conversation with a friend did exactly that to me. I feel the discomfort. I feel weird. So much so that I feel physically unwell. I am unable to explain this to myself. I cannot put my finger on what memory that talk triggered. 

It's that lost-in-the-woods-without-any-maps feeling.