My Life has been quite a roller coaster ride ever since i remember. Everything - yes i mean every single thing - takes multiple times more than normal.
After schooling, i did my bachelors and started working. Everyone at home insisted i should study further but I tried to convince everyone that the better way would be to first work few years and then be sure what i would like to study. And obviously everyone had to give in...
I took up my first job...moved on to second and then third....all seemed to go so well.
I was working and growing well and also earning decent...so the next obvious step was to get married.
The urge to study died a slow death somewhere in between. And before i realized - I was married. Then came the task to settle down in new family ...in new role. I had to resign from my job as my husband was out of India and i was to join him. But as luck would have it -there were visa issues and those took around 3.5 yrs to get resolved. I was out of job for a year after getting married with the assumption that soon i will have to leave the country. Again - my father kept telling me to use that time and do some further study. I don't know why but i didn't pursue anything. He even kept giving me ideas. But somehow nothing hit me in the head. And time kept flying away before i could give it any proper thought.
I cribbed, cried, complained non stop for all the things not going as expected. I felt miserable but i didn't pay any attention to other useful things in life and how i could have used that time to my benefit.The pressure of settling and adjusting in new household among new people and without the partner alongside was too much to deal with. I can come up with ample amount of reasons for that but its no use.
After being at home for one year - I started working again. And i was back in office-home-office routine. The study part was nowhere in plan by then.
And then I was in Netherlands. Settling down in new life. Life kept moving on...
I got the job and started working. Then came kid. Life's priorities changed. Career, education and hobbies were put on the back seat...
Life is moving fast...with ups and downs of the ride only i can feel. From far away it seems the most amazing experience and turns out to be one too...but with lots of moments where one has to hold his breath or moments where one feels this is the end of it all....or the moments where one feels being at the top of the world...or the moment where one just feels like throwing up and choak to death!
Its all been there.
And its still going on...
In all this...my biggest regret will always be that i didn't study further. I feel it. I feel bad about it...every single day. I am not sure if it would have changed my life in anyway. I don't know how it would have impacted my journey of life. I don't know if it would have added to self confidence. But I still regret.
I know its not the end of life and I can still go for it....but life's priorities always take precedence for some reason or the other.
After schooling, i did my bachelors and started working. Everyone at home insisted i should study further but I tried to convince everyone that the better way would be to first work few years and then be sure what i would like to study. And obviously everyone had to give in...
I took up my first job...moved on to second and then third....all seemed to go so well.
I was working and growing well and also earning decent...so the next obvious step was to get married.
The urge to study died a slow death somewhere in between. And before i realized - I was married. Then came the task to settle down in new family ...in new role. I had to resign from my job as my husband was out of India and i was to join him. But as luck would have it -there were visa issues and those took around 3.5 yrs to get resolved. I was out of job for a year after getting married with the assumption that soon i will have to leave the country. Again - my father kept telling me to use that time and do some further study. I don't know why but i didn't pursue anything. He even kept giving me ideas. But somehow nothing hit me in the head. And time kept flying away before i could give it any proper thought.
I cribbed, cried, complained non stop for all the things not going as expected. I felt miserable but i didn't pay any attention to other useful things in life and how i could have used that time to my benefit.The pressure of settling and adjusting in new household among new people and without the partner alongside was too much to deal with. I can come up with ample amount of reasons for that but its no use.
After being at home for one year - I started working again. And i was back in office-home-office routine. The study part was nowhere in plan by then.
And then I was in Netherlands. Settling down in new life. Life kept moving on...
I got the job and started working. Then came kid. Life's priorities changed. Career, education and hobbies were put on the back seat...
Life is moving fast...with ups and downs of the ride only i can feel. From far away it seems the most amazing experience and turns out to be one too...but with lots of moments where one has to hold his breath or moments where one feels this is the end of it all....or the moments where one feels being at the top of the world...or the moment where one just feels like throwing up and choak to death!
Its all been there.
And its still going on...
In all this...my biggest regret will always be that i didn't study further. I feel it. I feel bad about it...every single day. I am not sure if it would have changed my life in anyway. I don't know how it would have impacted my journey of life. I don't know if it would have added to self confidence. But I still regret.
I know its not the end of life and I can still go for it....but life's priorities always take precedence for some reason or the other.
I know... the waiting period is the most difficult time of one's life. When looked back upon it, one always feel i could have been utilised but when you are in it, it is hardly possible. Uncertainty is at blame and your mind trying to reason out with some optimism is thinking uncertainty is going to end soon. So we know now, it took so long, but then it might have tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are a great person, i don't know anyone can be better or more confident with him/herself with added degrees than what you already are ;-) :-)
Thanks Lopa dear.
DeleteAnd you said it rightly..we do whatever best we can in a certain situation...later on it always seems we could have done it differently but that does not mean what we did was not right.
Hi there! I noticed you through lopa's blog and when i first read this post of yours..huh..what can i say? there's something about the mistakes. You share about them with people, makes you connected to them somehow! Suffice to say, I don't feel like a complete stranger after having read this post of yours!
ReplyDeleteYou really have a wonderful blog :)
Thanks IHU. And Welcome to my space.
DeleteGlad you liked it here...Hope to hear from you more often.
If you really really still feel like studying again (maybe not now, maybe in a few more years) then you can still do it now. There is no limit to when you can study and what, especially in most of the European and American countries. All the best!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Simran. Yes - I totally believe in it too that i can still do whatever i feel like - i just need to prioritize better. There is no age bar for studying. Perhaps i just need to keep my focus.
DeleteThanks again!
Very well written! Could feel every bit of emotion you would have gone through, in this journey of yours, while reading through the post!
ReplyDeleteSomeone once said to me - I feel bad, make me feel special.
ReplyDeleteStumped me to begin with, I mean how is one supposed to reply to something as arbit as that?
But then I did reply back. I said - well take solace that there is just one of you amongst the nigh 6 billion of us who walk this planet. There is no one who looks like you, walks like you or thinks like you. You wanted me to give you one reason I give you 6 billion reasons to feel special about. Go on, cherish your uniqueness and feel special.
I say the same thing to you. Yes we make stupid choices in life about which we repent later. Yes it is easier to analyse our decisions and judge them with the benefit of hindsight but then that is not what life is about. It is about making those decisions, committing those mistakes and then committing to them. You seem like a wonderful person. Keep writing and keep living. God bless.