Friday, May 29, 2009

Of this and that

Everyday while I am at work, i get an urge to write and post something. Something happens or I do something which sounds like perfect and apt to be written down about. I kind of make the whole write up in my mind too. So everyday I almost know what to write. But it's kind of tough to blog while at work. I quickly read some posts and try to leave a comment whenever possible. So it's not blocked or anything but just that it does not sound appropriate to be blogging at work. Also work is so busy for few days now that i hardly get any time to do so even if "it being appropriate or not" was not the point.
Well now as anyone would simply say - "then why don't you do it at home?"
I wouldn't like to go into the same old series of cribbing about household work, baby, travel etc etc etc OR how I am already a super woman juggling so many things. I would not blame it all on any of those. The truth is I do am able to take out time to sit and net surf and read some blogs. So ofcourse I can take out time to write too. And I do so too. But the problem is - as soon I sit down to write..nothing comes to mind, I am suddenly lost of words. Everything that comes to mind sounds either stupid or has faded away as a split second thought.No ideas flow, no words take shape - i find it all quite strange.
I sit there wondering - how thoughts and ideas take shape in our mind and vanish if we don't capture them in some other concrete form right then and there. That reminds me of childhood days and all the big dreams we had. How everything seemed so different then. How it all felt so achievable. The plans seemed to fall perfectly in place. But as we grew - it all started to fade away and conditions crept in slowly. The whole plan seemed such a misfit. The right actions ( as least we thought they were right) sounded so not-right. We were clueless. The dreams were no longer as they used to be. Childhood dreams started sounding stupid. No idea made any more sense. No new ideas come up when we actually sit down to think and ponder.
How dreams take different shapes as we grow. How it all sounds so perfect once and totally absurd next time you think over it. How our mind plays such games. How we convince ourselves against our very own best idea. How conditions and situations influence our thoughts so much. How we try to fit our dreams in the most comfortable and available situations. The innocent and straight-from-heart ideas have no place in this grown up world. Unconsciously our mind thinks only on the lines of how the world would take it as.
The similar happened to my blog. My sole intention was to put in words what goes on in my mind - notice MY Mind!! But gradually i realised my posts were getting influenced by the readers. And it wasn't a conscious move. It just happened. I noticed it when i saw myself using words like - You, the readers, the guests here, etc etc etc. This is how environment moulds our thougts. There is no right or wrong here. Writing as conversation or just as a let-out is equally good. Its just the feeling. The amazing part is only that there is something that secretly slides in our mind cells and gives all that comes out from there a new shape.

PS: I know this post has some weird flow. Please bear with me. I just wrote what came up.


  1. This post mirrors what I often feel, too. When I am thinking, I often come up with such interesting blog ideas, but when I actually sit down in front of the monitor, my mind and fingers refuse to function.

  2. NO dear, in fact this post makes sense. Liked the real self-pondering in it.
    and please do not go back to that pink template. this is excellent.

  3. @Sucharita : Thanks for visiting. Yes..this has been happening to me over n over for many weeks now.

    @Mampi: Thanks M!! Yes ..i was also not liking that pink one anymore. Want to keep it plain and simple. And yes...there sure was lots of pondering...and its still going on...

  4. Mampi..I added few colors and flowers to the design...just felt like adding some colors :)

  5. This is really very good work of words. The post is very impressive and are expressed beautifully..

    Congratulations for this post.

    Pls visit my blog for my new poem .



  6. Oh no--not weird at all! Hats off to you to be able to work, look after a child and blog!
    I know what you mean by capturing thoughts as soon as they occur. And I know what you mean by giving up on what seemed possible dreams too.
    But somewhere there is hope. That's waht makes us tick.
    Me at least.

  7. Thanks Vijay & Preeti.

    Yes, you are right..its hope that keeps us going.


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