kya khoya kya paya

Sochti thi zaroorat thi tere paas hone kee
tere hone se zindagi se faraar hona aasaan tha
woh mein - jisse darr sa lagta tha
woh mein - jise gale na laga payi
kyun nahin mein mein ho pati
kyun nahin mein apne saath reh pati
waqt beeta, khud se hee duur ho gayi
kya tere hone se apne ko kho diya dheere dheere
...
...
sab kuch badal sa gaya
Khud se naraazgi hue ab
Khud se faraar hona namumkin lagta tha
par duur kahin duur nikal gayi mein
mujhe khud ko paane ke liye
tera dheere dheere chale jana
mila na saka mujhe mujh se hee
socho to kya paaya kya khoya
na tu mila na khud ko dhoond payi mein...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Stop Thinking

Stop thinking!
a casual remark was it
or a serious concern
a request
or an order?

Stop thinking - what, why?
mindless thinking
or thinking that solves
in a closed room
or under floating clouds?

rough thinking
happy thinking
holding the tears
staring into blank
am i misplaced
or deep in thought?

...and i continue to think...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Don't Rush

Always heard from everyone around that being a parent is not only tough and challenging but equally rewarding and satisfying too. Being myself a mom for 7 yrs now i have gone through mixed thoughts often. When a moment of gratitude turns into outburst of anger - has been beyond my understanding so far. One thing is for sure - Being a parent means making patience your best buddy. Never ever let it go. Eat patience, drink patience, sleep patience and basically live patience. Make it your own.

Inspite of knowing and acknowledging this - unfortunately i have never been able to nurture it. Its like any other emotion of mine. At times i have more than ample and other times i lack it big time. No hack or crack has been found as yet. 

Every single day i notice the need of patience more and more. We live in times where "hurrying" is our second nature. We are always in hurry - running from one thing to another. Never actually taking the time to think. Keep moving onwards and ahead and onto next is our life. How soon we drag our kids into that race is shocking. We use the word "hurry up" more than anything else we say to them. Sometimes i wonder whats the first word that comes to my daughter's mind as soon as she sees me at any point. Am sure its "Hurry Up". 

And this thought breaks my heart. And its not just with kids, it affects every aspect of our life including all relationships.

Hurry Hurry hurry and before we know a moment is lost, a gesture is missed, a signal is ignored, a smile is lost, a hug is forgotten. No wonder affection is losing its place today.
We know this. We all acknowledge it too. We realize we need to slow down just a little. Yet how many of us take a moment for this.

Being busy has become a way of telling the world how well we are doing. Busy is first excuse for everything.

We are busy hurrying up and loosing patience - ALL THE TIME!!

Busy to say hello. Busy to drop a message. Busy to smile at each other. Busy to ask how the other person is doing. Busy to enjoy a song together. Busy to eat together. Busy to share a hug. Busy to do anything yet busy.

I am no different. Rushing from one to another...hurrying up...Busy!

I want to slow down. Breathe! Smile! Cherish the moments! Stop, enjoy and Be Thankful.

“I've always been in a rush. Ever since I was a child I always thought that there was somewhere else I ought to be even though there was nowhere else I had to go.” 
― Donal O'Callaghan

Here are the most aptly written thoughts by Juan Olivarez

Don't cut the plant,
Just let it grow.
Don't rush through life,
Go nice and slow.

Don't cut the blossom,
Just inhale it's soul,
What grows before you,
Is God's true gold.

Don't rush inside,
When it starts to pour.
Just walk through the rain,
As you've, done before.

Rise early one day,
And behold the dawn,
And a giant red orb,
Will stifle your yawn.

Wonder at the moon,
High in the night sky.
And the stars all around,
So incredibly high.

Do you remember,
When you were so young,
And a world full of wonder,
Was there to be won.

Some look but don't see,
And who holds the key?
To the wonders the lord made,
For you and for me.

Some hear, but don't listen,
They're too busy by far.
To hear rustling of leaves,
Or see twinkling of stars.

To hear birds in the trees,
Oh such beautiful songs.
To see clouds floating by,
When the wind is so strong.

Don't rush through your life,
Take a deep breath and then.
Behold all the marvels,
God created for men.

Smell of the flowers,
Along lifes highway.
And your life will be better,
By far in this way.

Juan Olivarez

A year in perspective...

A year in perspective... 

Last year this time i was unwell - in pain - physically and psychologically. 

Right hand and arm were swollen up and in pain. Was getting difficult to do basic daily tasks. Headache had become a constant companion for months. Sleep deprivation only made it all worse. I was trapped in the vicious cycle and was on the verge of breaking down. I stopped talking to anyone. I would not take up calls from family and friends. I would cry at the drop of a pin or sometimes for no reason at all. I would scream, get angry, upset and restless at the smallest trigger. 

My physical complaints(arm/hand) were known and visible at workplace. So at the advice of my doctor i was told to stop going to work immediately. So on Jan 15 last yr suddenly I took the break. For first two weeks i lied in bed day and night - reading & sleeping and only stepping out of bed for basic necessities. Then I started going for physiotherapy once a week for my physical complaints. During this phase i avoided any social gatherings at the pretext of being unwell. I would break down sitting anywhere. I would get restless for no reason. I kept myself aloof. 

It was only after 4-5 weeks had passed that i started to feel lighter and better. And after being home for 6 weeks, i decided and insisted on going back to work. But at doctor's advice started with a few hours only (though his first advise was to stay home for few more weeks.) Starting with few hours and Then half days and gradually in 3 months time i went back to usual full time routine. It took a lot of efforts, immense amount of strength and huge changes in life style. Tough and dead-end is what it seemed at that time. 

It seemed ...its all over. 

Rest of the year was no easy and I had way more than my-handling-capacity of problems. I went through a never ending roller coaster ride. A plathora of emotions. 

Yet a year later today i feel like a different person. 

A lot changed. A lot happened. I am

Thankful to a lot of people. I am thankful for all the support i got from known and unknown. I am indebted for life to someone who doesn't even realise how my life has changed by every word said and every gesture shared, for every second of listening ear provided to me and for every tear shared. I am a new person because of you. I will never be able to thank you enough. 

My physical problems are much lesser and arm and hand are in much better state now. Therapies continue. I am

more positive than ever and more determined too. If I can survive last year - I believe I can handle anything. I know life will still throw a lot of challenges my way but i also know - with little extra strength in those times i will be able to deal with them. 

Thank you God for sending such souls in my life. 

If ever there was proof of magic in my life, it can only be your presence my dear friend! 

Dil aakhir tu kyun rota ha

Starting off another year with some close-to-heart poetry. It triggers a stream of emotions each time I read or listen to these...
The ever beautiful poetry by Javed Akhtar for "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara."

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya

Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain

Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai

Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wash away...

Glass roof...

And falling rain

Morning silence..

And the cold wind

unlocking the memories

rusted smiles
dried tears
blurred vision
faded moments
unclear whispers

Fall down O drops
erase away
wash away those memories
elope
take along
moments
the thoughts
vanish.
in flowing water
or
unknown skies

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2014 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Pain

Can we deal with pain?

Pain of any kind and 

pain for any reason. 

Pain of being away from loved ones, 

pain of missing someone, 

pain of longing to be with someone, 

pain of craving love, 

pain of feeling helpless in certain situations, 

pain of not being able to give enough, 

pain of not being enough, pain of feeling inadequate, 

pain of being a failure, 

pain of seeing dreams getting shatteted, 

pain of being unreachable,  

pain of falling again & again, 

pain of not being able to rise, 

pain of living,

pain of life dragging past. 

To deal or let it be. 

To soothen it or scratch it. 

To talk or hide it all away

To accept it or ignore it. 

To seek help or turn away. 

To face it or bow down. 

To live or to survive.