Random

Random things affect our thought process unconsciously. I have realized that when we are going through certain phase in life, we somehow start relating everything we see, read, watch to our situation. We see bits of pieces of it in everything. And how a simple movie can cause a havoc in your life. Because you start relating it. Before I saw more - As an after-thought it had nothing at all that i can relate to. But at that moment it made me restless & anxious. The pace of the movie made me uncomfortable. The storyline made me restless. That sounds & voices in it made me too anxious. It took me 2-3 days to get over that. If you ask me why - i have no answer to that. I find no reason to feel so or relate to that at all. I did like the movie after all. But watching it was - well, you know what!!

Similar thing happens while reading as well. Ofcourse not all the time. But sometimes.
Does it happen to you too?

Considering am writing about this 5 days after watching it shows, I still haven't gotten over that. And that is making me more uncomfortable. I watched other movies since then but strangely enough i can't even recall their names. Weird! Like often!

Reminder to self

You don’t feel like getting up. You don’t feel like taking shower. You start getting pains in shoulder, back and head. You lie down on couch for hours. Doing nothing. And you tell yourself- “oh you can do this sometimes, its Ok to do nothing sometimes.”
But then this becomes normal and repeated feeling.  And suddenly one day you start recognizing this. A feeling of deja-vu! This has happened before.
You pick up the signs.  Do you want to go back to the same place again? The dark lonely place. The place which keeps dragging you down and puts the blame on physical issues like pains and aches. The place where tears roll down without warning. The place where outsiders are not allowed. The place which only keeps getting darker. 

No no no no!
You remind yourself of that phase. You cannot go back to that. Noone would be able to bring you back if you go there again. You do not even have those saviors around anymore.  A lot of realization comes along with this thought.  Get up. Keep going. Don’t give power to that darkness to pull you down. 

~A reminder for self in times like this. 

Apology- a dilemma!

In a recent conversation with someone i realized how the most genuine intentions can also work negative and against us. 

As a common human behavior, people start defending their actions as soon as someone else points out their mistakes. Most often there are counter arguments at least for a while. In an attempt to defend themselves they even say hurtful things they probably don’t realize. But then for some reason - for example - to avoid further unnecessary discussion or to make situation calmer or to avoid turning the conversation more hurtful or for any other reason- the one who started the conversation just apologizes. Now the intention seems perfect on the face of it. But if you think deeper, is it the right way? Aren’t we just feeding the other person’s defense mechanism and making him feel he was right in his behavior and reaction to the situation? Aren’t we just giving that person more confidence in behaving a certain way when we know it wasn’t right and might not be acceptable in many situations? And to top it all - aren’t we demeaning ourselves by letting the person go on with a certain belief about who was at fault or not? 

Moreover one person’s apology doesn’t mean the other person was not at fault at all. 

So An apology may not be the correct way afterall. What would be the right way? To go on and on? Or To apologize but stand on your point? 

I wonder! 

Hawa ka jhonka

Ghangor hawa ka jhonka hai
Suno dil ne kya kya socha hai
Woh hasi bahut yaad aati hai
Awaaz ka jaadu aaj bhi hai
Mazaak tumhara lajawaab
Aur nakhre bahut hee bhaate hein
Woh madham madham gungunana
Aur holay holay muskurana
Hum aaj bhi aankhen band karein
To chehra wahi dikh jata hai
Iss dil mein pyaar jagaata hai
Khushi mein kitna rulata hai
Jab miloge tumko batana hai
Sara dil ka haal sunana hai
Thoda khud muskurana hai
Thoda tumko bhi hasana hai

Kyun yeh aana jana laga rakha hai

क्यों यह आना  जाना  लगा  रखा  है
कुछ  पल  रुको  इस  पार
कुछ  बातें हो  जाएँ
कुछ  तुम  अपनी  कहो
कुछ  हम  अपनी  सुनाएं
जानों  तो  सही
क्यों  यह  दिल  उदास  रहता  है
पूछो  तो  सही
क्या  नींद  यहाँ  आती  है
चलो  चुप  बैठे
कभी  सर  ही  हिला  देना
क्यों यह आना जाना लगा रखा है।


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Please do not copy without permission

To you...

Dear unknown,

There are countless random things that come to my mind and i feel i must share with you. Some i remember and some i forget after that moment is passed. Some good some bad. Sometimes those are just mundane daily life things.  You know like something i do, or something i watch, or just music. There is a different charm in sharing random stuff with you, even if it bores you to death - which probably it might do at times.  It's a strange phase in my life. I am not sure i should be happy or sad, should i be shedding tears or just laugh and smile on random moments of joy, Or should i just ignore and behave like nothing has changed in life!
Which one of these reactions will be normal?
What is right way to behave? 

And then arises the ques, should i reach out to people for help and guidance and advise or decide what feels right to me! What if my decisions are not the right ones? What if i am only thinking one aspect and not all? 
There are countless such "What - ifs.." which come to my mind every other minute.
What? How? When? ...too many unanswered questions out there!
Too many decisions to make!
Too much action to be taken!
Too much thinking to be done!

I wish I could sit together so I say out all loud to you. So i could hear back your thoughts.
Or may be we could just sit and have coffee in silence.
Sometimes!

Keeping the faith!
Me

When Snow flakes bring a message

For months, i am having major reading and writing block. I have been itching to write - something... anything - for a very long time ...but nothing would come out. No words, no inspiration, no ideas, no emotions. It's either been blank or too chaotic to sort out and give it any form. Infact no communication or sharing of thoughts has been happening for last few weeks. Some friends have been trying to reach out and talk - with little success. Some others stopped bothering or making an effort. Some i expected to be around and to go that extra mile and make some effort but in vain...and eventual pain. All that pushed me further inside the layers i had been building around already. Life became loaded with feelings of hurt, sadness and detachment.

This morning was different.

As i got down from bus to walk to the office, it started snowing. Those light tiny puffs of cotton falling from sky. I looked up and smiled. As much as i hate walking in rain, its completely opposite feeling in snow. I walked slowly. Smiling. And felt as if some load is being lifted off my chest. Those tiny soft flakes made my heart feel lighter. I wonder, how we keep looking for comfort in our loved ones and expecting them to be there. While the comfort can come in any form, from anywhere at any time. Universe sends signals in many ways! May be this is it!

May be its time to Let go!
Let go of old thoughts
Let go of the hurt
Let go of expectations
Let go of fears
Let go of anger
Let go of people i don't feel connected to
Let go of everything that's not letting me rise

The times now need me to focus. Prioritize and Focus!

Just look up, let go and feel light and bright!

How?

Ever heard of the heartache
That is felt in the bones
Or that choking
Felt in the stomach
Thoughts
That tear the skin.
Or Tiredness
Felt in soul
And Exhaustion
In the brain!

How do i let go!

Time for change

“It is not the strongest who survives, neither the smartest,
but the one who copes best with changes”.

~Darwin

Do it

What...Why...

Ponder
And wonder
What, Why...
of life
Of relationships
Of thoughts shared
and those not said
Of emotions felt
Of dreams stitched
Of hopes
and of fears
Of giving up
Or waiting just a little more
Of  letting go
Or trying once more
...
Questions not asked
Answers that will never come

Bhuul gaye

Khud se milna milana bhul gae

ANJUM LUDHIANVI

ḳhud se milnā milānā bhuul ga.e
log apnā Thikānā bhuul ga.e
rañg hī se fareb khāte raheñ
ḳhushbueñ āzmānā bhuul ga.e
tere jaate hī ye huā mahsūs
aa.ine jagmagānā bhuul ga.e
jaane kis haal meñ haiñ kaise haiñ
ham jinheñ yaad aanā bhuul ga.e
paar utar to ga.e sabhī lekin
sāhiloñ par ḳhazāna bhuul ga.e
dostī bandagī vafā-o-ḳhulūs
ham ye sham.eñ jalānā bhuul ga.e

Source : rekhta.org

Relax.

We all deal with stress often. Anxiety. Restless. Depression. Stress. All these and more. 

Vexking gives a quick solution to relax yourself. 

Tried and Tested. 

Go read on...

http://www.bonvitastyle.com/trick-reduce-stress-in-only-16-seconds-anxiety

Forgotten?

“When it comes to my memory there are three categories: things I want to forget, things I can’t forget, and things I forgot I’d forgotten until I remember them.”

Excerpt From: Ahern, Cecelia. “The Marble Collector.” 

"Things we want to forget"
Are we able to forget things we really want to forget?
Are we able to forget things when we want to?
Doesn't it work opposite?
The more you want to forget something the more it haunts you. The more you want to lock things away in a corner the more they keep popping up in front of you. And in most instances - in the least expected situations, in the most unlikely moments and more often than not from people you would never expect it. It doesn't make it simpler that these are often the most painful things of life.

Ah - Universe and its mysteries!

"Things we can't forget"
Anything which involves deep emotional connect can't be wiped off. Never.


"Things I forgot I’d forgotten until I remember them"
These are usually the good things. Surprise?!? The good happy memories we want to savor every day. The things that keep us going. The things that bring hope. We keep shrugging these away and covering up with the sad ones but NO - we cannot forget them. Universe reminds us of them from time to time. The not-so-positive people like me always give highest attention to the sadness inflicting things. Yet i am reminded of the few happy ones. I can't forget those. I don't want to either.

Ma

Some songs which trigger a truckload of emotions and memories.

Thanks Mom for giving me this life. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_Sdahb-JHM

kyun

kyun ruk sa jata hai kabhi kabhi
guzarta waqt
kyun neend aate aate
gayab si ho jati hai kabhi
kyun haathon kee lakeerein
badli badli nazar aatii hein
kyun saath dene wala saaya
saath chor deta hai kabhi
kyun nazar nahi aata chehra
apne hee aaine mein
kyun haath chor dete hein
saath dene ka waada karne wale
kyun raasta achanak
anjaan sa ho jata hai
kyun apne ik din
praaye se lagne lagte hein
kyun apne hee dil tootne
kee awaaz sunayi nahin deti
kyun awaaz bhi pareshan karti hai
aur sannata bhi
kyun sabke beech bhi
akele ho jaate hein hum
kyun sawaal anginat
aur jawab koi nahi...

Aaja

 Jiye ja rahe hein
Teri yaadon mein aise
 Aur jaan liye jaaye
 Tujhe yaad karna
 Kinara karun
 Ya tajurba dobara
 Yeh dil na hee jaane
 Na saansein sambhalein
 Isse dard bolun
 Ya dil kee gehrayi
 Aakhon se jo yun
 Chalke ja raha hai
 Tujhe yaad karun
 Ya yaadein sambhalun
 Na jaane ban gayi
 Kab yeh aadat hamari
 Tu ik baar aaja
 Nayi yaadein bana ja
 Kuch apni suna ja
 Kuch hamari tu sun ja
 Har saans ko yun hee
 Chala lengay hum phir
 Tu hasna sikha ja
 Thoda jeena sikha ja
 Bas ik baar aaja
 Tu ik baar aaja

Breathe

We humans are so prone to letting everything affect us more than we can ask for. We let other people affect us too  deeply. We are afraid to move on. We get stuck. Sometimes we forget that there are way more pages in this book of life. We must flip over to next one. We cannot keep reading the same chapter over and over again and let is continue affecting us. Past cannot be changed or corrected. We need to let it be.

And Why do we feel sorry for things that bring us both happiness and sadness. Yes - it's possible!! Love!!! One of those! Well...!! Let it be. Sorry for feeling happy? Sorry for being loved? Or sorry for loving too much? Sorry for feeling sad for not accepting it? Whatever!!!

We are constantly wondering what is right and what is wrong. Analysing.
Stress, unhappiness, overthinking- they all kill us slowly. Me - for sure!!!!!

May be all we need is - for a while - don't think. Don't imagine. Don't wonder. Just Breathe.

BREATHE. 

One word

Everything about life in ONE word!!

perpetual

never ending or changing.

"deep caves in perpetual darkness"

everlasting, never-ending, eternal, permanent, unending, endless, without end, lasting, long-lasting, constant, abiding, enduring, perennial, timeless, ageless, deathless, undying, immortal; unfailing, unchanging, never-changing, changeless, unvarying, unfading, invariable, immutable, indissoluble, indestructible, imperishable; raresempiternal, perdurable

kya hua kab hua

tujhe yaad kar kar hum yun hue
na saans aaye na hee dil chale
yun hee aankh beh beh kuch kahe
na subah ho na hee din dhale
yun ajnabi se kab hue
dooriyan kab yun aise hue
zara soch ae mere humsafar
kyun faasle aise badd chale
kaise rah yeh anjaan hue
kaise rishte praaye ho chale


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