Irony

How IRONIC!

I write a post on how I should finish the tasks I take up and end up missing posting as per MB2013 Challenge.

I declare myself a nutcase.

I took up Marathon Blogging and didn't post after 2 days.

I took up FmsPhotoAday and again didn't post after 3 days.

I don't know why i lack motivation and inspirations.

I will still try to catch up and carry on.

Day 2 - MB2013 - Challenging Myself

I am all set to end this year in a very adventurous way...ok ok...adventurous only in virtual world. But ofcourse with captures from everyday life.
Yes - First Marathon Blogging. A Post a day everyday whole of this month with theme based post twice a week.

Next Challenge I took up is : #FMSphotoaday from FatMumSlim

I am totally charging myself up.

No idea how long i will remain in the race but i try nevertheless.

I have lost track of how many challenges i took up this year but left in between. Atleast I don't shy away from taking up newer challenges. (And I am glad that i keep trying)

Now this bit is something i need to work on in coming year. Keep taking up challenges but stick to them too. Finish them!

Let me start with giving it my best try this month!

That's a very important and urgent change i need to bring in myself. I get all excited about new things. Start with a bang too. buts somewhere along the path i loose track and give up. Strange part is that it happens with whatever i take up....even with hobbies & things i like. I loose interest very soon. 

So this is going to be my foremost Challenge for myself!

Day 1 - MB2013

Another month starting

Another year almost ending

I sit back and ponder

How time is slipping away

Moment by moment

Day by day

Year by year

Countless memories

Laughter, tears & smiles

Some sadness curbed

Some happiness shared

Screaming, anger, frustration

Hopes, desires, achievements

All walking hand in hand

As i sit down to jot my life

Next phase of life awaits...

Friendships ?

Too many questions in mind. Too many worries. Too much to think.

The trigger - a small conversation!

How do you respond to a friend's situation when he/she(now on will use "she" only) tries to discuss her worry with you. How do you reply?
How do you sympathize?
How do you put across your point by just giving an alternative view about it but not actually meaning to sound being against her.
How do you show that you do understand what she means but want her to give it another thought.
How do you put across your thoughts when sometimes you do not approve of how she reacted to a situation.
Do you tell her this or keep that opinion with you because you do not want to hurt your friend.

But then that's not friendship if you cannot express what you feel. If you are not honest in your opinion.

What is expected when friends discuss their personal problems?

Is it just a "yes yes you are right and I am with you" ?
Is it telling her the way she reacted was the right way even if you don't believe it yourself?

My view - If you are not ready to listen to any alternative view from a friend - you better don't discuss your problems with her. Period.

How much so i feel lonely and miss having conversations with friends - These are few reasons why I dread friendships now. The expectations! The analysis before saying anything!

Why do adults make it all so complicated!

We have it easy!!

Early morning annoyance it is today. Whenever the topic of household work comes up with someone back home in India - their first and prompt reaction is - "Oh but you have it easy there as you people have all facilities like dishwasher etc"

I cannot begin to explain how deeply it annoys me and drives me crazy. Does Having appliances means NO work? They are bloody appliances NOT robots who will go around doing things on their own. You still need to load the dishwasher. You still need to empty it. You still need to clean the dishwasher too every now and then to keep it working. You need to put the wash in the machine to wash clothes, take it out, hang it for drying, iron, fold and put them back. You still need to walk the whole house up and down with that vacuum cleaner. And then mop the floors. You still need to dust off the whole furniture and shelves and everything & don't forgets to clean the glass tables. You need to clean the windows - inside out. You need to clean the doors. You need to arrange cupboards. And did i forget to mention - you need to clean up the toilets and bathrooms - and that includes not just the floor but commode and tiles and taps and wash basin AND THERE ARE NO APPLIANCES FOR THAT WORK. And you need to work in your garden too (if you have one) And did i mention that in all this you still have to do - cooking, take care of child and work full time and do socializing. And Oh please keep your hobbies and interests going...!!

You can add or ignore "tiny" tasks - like cleaning fridge, cupboards, stairs, mending all your clothes, hand wash some clothes etc etc etc

Yes we have it very easy here as we have ALL facilities!!

Thanks!!

Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?"

Read this on fb posted on page called Useful Info. Immediately felt like i had to save this... Perhaps the circumstances demand an answer from me.

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Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter. [a little long but a good read]

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. "What's the point,grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

August Marathon Blogging Day 7 : kyun

Shaam hai yeh suni see

Raat ka andhera bhi suna suna

Dil mein jhanka jab maine zara

Shor kyun tha itna bhara

Pal pal ko ruka dekha jab

Saans lagi thami thami

Band aankhon se mein bethi sochne

Zindagi kyun dikhe bhagti bhagti

August Marathon Blogging Day 5: Three things about myself, that I am proud of.

After a slightly sad self revelation in my last post i thought of focusing on the good. And what better topic than talking about things about me that I am proud of. I am taking this opportunity to pat myself on the back add to the feel good factors in life.

First thing that I am proud of myself is the creative side of my brain. I love digital art and all art things done with hand ... painting, crafting, digital designing etc etc. Its gives me inner pleasure and i get a sense of achievement even when i do some craft activity with my little daughter

Second thing I am proud of is my independent nature. Not that i live alone or can but i believe i am self sufficient to do anything i would want to do. 

Third - I believe in giving. I can go completely out of my way to give others something they really wish for. With time i have also learnt how not to expect but  rejoice in giving. 

So i guess i have revealed enough now. Self praise at its peak! 

Does this bother me? NO!! 

August Marathon Blogging Day 4 : Biggest regret of life

My Life has been quite a roller coaster ride ever since i remember. Everything - yes i mean every single thing - takes multiple times more than normal.

After schooling, i did my bachelors and started working. Everyone at home insisted i should study further but I tried to convince everyone that the better way would be to first work few years and then be sure what i would like to study. And obviously everyone had to give in...

I took up my first job...moved on to second and then third....all seemed to go so well.
I was working and growing well and also earning decent...so the next obvious step was to get married.

The urge to study died a slow death somewhere in between. And before i realized - I was married. Then came the task to settle down in new family ...in new role. I had to resign from my job as my husband was out of India and i was to join him. But as luck would have it -there were visa issues and those took around 3.5 yrs to get resolved. I was out of job for a year after getting married with the assumption that soon i will have to leave the country. Again - my father kept telling me to use that time and do some further study. I don't know why but i didn't pursue anything. He even kept giving me ideas. But somehow nothing hit me in the head. And time kept flying away before i could give it any proper thought.

I cribbed, cried, complained non stop for all the things not going as expected. I felt miserable but i didn't pay any attention to other useful things in life and how i could have used that time to my benefit.The pressure of settling and adjusting in new household among new people and without the partner alongside was too much to deal with. I can come up with ample amount of reasons for that but its no use.

After being at home for one year - I started working again. And i was back in office-home-office routine. The study part was nowhere in plan by then.

And then I was in Netherlands. Settling down in new life. Life kept moving on...
I got the job and started working. Then came kid. Life's priorities changed. Career, education and hobbies were put on the back seat...

Life is moving fast...with ups and downs of the ride only i can feel. From far away it seems the most amazing experience and turns out to be one too...but with lots of moments where one has to hold his breath or moments where one feels this is the end of it all....or the moments where one feels being at the top of the world...or the moment where one just feels like throwing up and choak to death!

Its all been there.
And its still going on...

In all this...my biggest regret will always be that i didn't study further. I feel it. I feel bad about it...every single day. I am not sure if it would have changed my life in anyway. I don't know how it would have impacted my journey of life. I don't know if it would have added to self  confidence. But I still regret.

I know its not the end of life and I can still go for it....but life's priorities always take precedence for some reason or the other.

August Marathon Blogging Day 3 : mindless

A troubled mind

A restless heart

Thats what i feel

At this odd hour...

Sleep not near

And worries never far

Am one confused soul

Whose dreams are ajar

This was not my dream

And this was never thought

Am i A wreck of a partner

And a parent who is distraught

Mindless hour

And mindless thoughts

Take you far away

If wishes were horses

I would hold sway...

August Marathon Blogging Day 2 - My Religion , My faith

Faith is the religion 

Or religion gives faith?

Am i confused

Or this is just not straight?

Praying is religion

Or is it just my faith?

Faith in the power

Or freedom of faith?

Religious freedom

Or in faith religion resides?

Is it to see the upper

Or to feel the underside?

Is religion an illusion

Or just a perplexed truth?

Is want of valour ...just a...

Want for religious faith?

Is Faith - the function

And Religion - the practice?

Or the continuous transcend

To find the inner self?

August Marathon Blogging Day 1- 3 pet peeves

So i took up this monthly marathon blogging challenge with super enthusiasm and guess what.... I am struggling on the first day itself. 

Almost end of day and am somehow sneaking in few minutes to jot down few words. (And silently repeating to myself- I can do it, I can do it)

Its time my almost dormant blog gets some life. 

So here i start....

My 3 pet peeves

1. Loud noise: i get absolutely restless & irritated with loud sounds around. The top most being people who are standing next to me but speaking to me so loud as if i am on other side of the planet. I get annoyed with loud music, people talking loudly in public places, kids' toys having loud music but no volume control button. I even get annoyed with sounds of doors & fan etcetcetc. 

The only high pitch sound i can tolerate is my own ;) and that includes my screaming at people at home {ah suddenly i pity them for dealing with that...well lets move on}

2. Wet washbasin sides/edges : i get annoyed to my nerves when people leave the wash basin all wet all around after washing hands. I fail to understand how they do so. 

3. Chipped nail paint : Oh annoyance at its limit. Even worse when i see someone scratching it. That sound that look.... Eew ......Phew!!!!!!

And there i managed the first post just in time. 

See you tomorrow! 

Join other awesome bloggers on Marathon Bloggers group on fb. 

Rain...

First ray in the morning

and the heart melted away

Memories woke up too 

and together we swayed

The rhythm of the nature

played by drops of rain

The story formed on the window 

takes you on another train

The magic of the drops

Mesmerises and delights

The sound of that magic

Is that a sprite?

That gentle rain falling

washes away the rage

those droplets on the forehead

Turn you into sage

The music of emotions

Fills the reservoir of heart

How wonderful - i thought

...

Now i need not cry alone

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© 2013 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

If you are interested in more poetry here - here is the link

Kismat connections

We meet so many people in our lives. Starting from neighbours, cousins, school, college, work, internet.....and keep meeting new ones every single day. There is that unsaid connection one feels with some and the opposite with others. There are some people we don't meet often....or rather meet rarely....and not even talk on phone ever but we still feel some connection, Some comfort.

I have had the honor of having such connection with some happy people i met in the virtual world. We never talk on phone. We rarely meet each other - average would be maximum once a year and that too in some get together or party where we don't actually get to sit and chat much. The only dialogue exchange happens on chats. And that too not that regular. But the connection and comfort is beyond words. A ping from the person brings smiles. Topics can be anything.....kids, food or just general life. There does not seem to be any need for obligations or complaints. If we chat - great - and if we don't even then its equally fine. Its a simple friendship. And this gives the maximum satisfaction in life. No need to impress, no strings attached, no blame game - Nothing. just plain and simple chit chat.

And then there are people who would not stop blaming you for not calling or for not being in touch. Who would never bother to ask you how you are doing yet will be the first ones to blame you for the same. Whose mere presence makes one uncomfortable. Why do we need such relations in life when the only outcome is stress and worry.

I am thankful for those people in my life who make living a wonderful experience and add to the faith of humanity. I am also thankful to others who make my belief in humanity stronger because i can compare and understand what "bad" can be and appreciate the "good" even more.

Memories of a much awaited visit

Last 3 weeks were such fun-filled & busy days that i will have those memories etched in my mind for the rest of my life. 

For the first time, my sister visited us along with her husband & 2 lovely little girls. It was a visit i have been looking forward to for as long as i can remember. 

A trip to Paris & Disney land, long drives, chit-chat & gossip sessions, midnight drinks & talks, touristic rounds, shopping, laughing at stupid jokes, eating to heart's desire, taking each others' pictures, the planned photoshoot - it was a goody bag of 3 weeks. We had so much fun. 

All of us had our own kind of company. Husbands, we sisters, and kiddy sisters. 

The youngest one of the lot was the queen. 

(We are missing her the most)

Time flew super fast. But partings mean we can start looking forward to the next meet. 

I love you my dearest little sister. And i miss you! 

Project Write!

Today I am starting my own version of blogging marathon. It includes breaks. Yea - breaks as I would decide  *wink wink* Did you just say "that's not new"?

Ok Rules (for myself)

 1. Write. (hah ...surprise!) Ok so write every second day. or third may be. Or shall i make it weekends only. pfffff...am already confused. Ok so "Write" is the rule!

2. Write

3. Write

4. Write

5. Write

Follow the rules above!

Write any rubbish. Write about any nonsense. But write.
Write about your day. Write about your life. Write about that nasty colleague. Just write.
Write about flowers. Write about those tiny things you see on the way. Write about food. Write .
Write about yourself. Write about that new dress. Write about old shoes. Go write.
Write about neighbours. Write about blog friends. Rant about Fb friends. Write write & write.
Write about everyone else. Write and complain. Write and cry. Write and crib. Write.

And if I follow the topics like this...i am set to write till eternity.

Only - If I follow the Rule No.1

Wish me luck!

Where was i?

When was the last time i wrote here ?!? Very very long ago - indeed! Thought if penning down storm of words but in vain.  Life has been in a strange roller coaster ride for as long as i can think. Saying - "i was very busy" is a misnomer. 

No doubting the fact that the To-Do list was a very long one but there was something beyond that which kept me aloof. I stopped writing. I stopped reading. I stopped being in touch. I stated away. Yet life moved on. As they say - nothing stops. I could convincingly use the reason of settling in new house & converting it into home. "Our home" !

I tried to take up different challenges- be it in blog world or photography or projects at home. I admit  i failed. I could not keep up with any. Missing desires. 

I kept my focus at home. 

I know i have upset quite a few of my dear friends for not keeping in touch. But it didnt matter at all in last few months. I feel i was living as a cocoon. 

Was i living a fake life? Was i pretending? Was i just being normal human being? I dont know what it was. And i am still not sure i am out of it. 

One thing is sure - i wasn't unhappy. I am grateful for each & every smile in my life. 

Yes - I am disappointed and hurt

Past few weeks have been bit of a shocker, bit of disappointment, bit of sadness, bit of reality checks.

(Is that enough to explain my absense from blog world?)

Well - the sad phase started with my daughter falling ill and ofcourse me catching it there on. No idea what kind of virus it was this time that it took over 2 weeks for me to start feeling better. Besides terrible cough, running nose it was high fever and complete drain of energy. And after 3 weeks i am still coughing.

But thats not what bothered me as much.

Its the reality checks about people i know. I have already been in "O I have no friends" mood for few months now and to top it all came such shocks that i am not even sure how i want to react now. Friends (atleast i thought so) saying such things at my back that its almost impossible for me to believe they said so. More friends trying to be the well wisher and sweet pal behaving such-a-boss and putting me down at the first instance possible. The know-it-all Friends. The well-wisher friends. The O-I-am-so-rich friends. The O-I-am-the-best friends. And the list goes on...

I am completely disappointed by this relationship called "friendship". Its always their selfish self which takes priority. Its always the money which stays on top. The What-can-you-do-for-me - remains the main agenda.

People trying to prove how stupid others are.

I feel so saddened. I want to move away from all such souls. But I am unable to do so. Some people have too strong a personality to let you move away. I feel caught. I feel trapped.

I might perhaps get over this in sometime or rather get used to it but i will continue to be disappointed. I will continue to feel sad. I will continue to feel cheated. And i will continue to feel the pain of being stabbed in the back.

One such day

Somedays you just hate everything but there is no way you can express that out loud.

Somedays you are just plain and simple upset with every damn thing in life but you just cannot do anything about it.

Somedays you are angry with everything and everyone but there is no way you can take it out.

Somedays you are frustrated to the brim but nothing just nothing seems to calm that down.

Somedays you just want to cry to scream to get angry to shout but you just cannot.

Today is one such day!!!!!!!

Love or whatever

Love. What is it?

Is it that mush feeling
Or is it making breakfast
Is it saying "i love you" often
Or is it doing the vacuum cleaning

Is it buying lots of gifts
Or is it buying your fav cookies from super market
Is it often calling during the day
Or is it offering to pick you up from work if you ask even once

Is it surprise with flowers
Or is it doing the laundry
Is it to take you out for dinner
Or prepare dinner every night before you reach home from work

Is it to hug and kiss every day
Or is it to let you lie down in bed as long as you want without disturbing you once
Is it to buy expensive things for you
Or is it to never ever complain about messy house

I am confused
What is love?
Do i have it or not?
Have i felt it or not?

Wishlist Wednesday

So I have been reading the Wednesday prompts fron Preeti for last few wednesdays. And like once before i thought of picking it up again. Preeti's new book - The Secret Wishlist -  is out. And keeping in line with the topic there is a prompt every wednesday. And today is Last Final Wednesday prompt of the series.

Here is the writing prompt for today's  Wishlist Wednesday.

I wish I could be like_____________________ (name of person). This person is special because.............

I wish I could be like my dad. He is special in ways i cannot express in few words. His calmness, his dedication, his positive attitude towards everything, his determination, his love for gardgets, his health conscious attitude, his love for my mom :) and just everything about him is special...

There is a poem which i wrote long time back on father's day. Putting it here again..

He is always good and He is never bad

He does what he should and makes everyone glad

He never screams and never fights

He looks after us night after night

He is the guiding light

and shows the path which is right

He holds the hands

and always understands

Without him i would never be what i am today

he gave a strong foundation

which no one can take away

He is always there to listen and share

with his utmost warmth and care

He brings so much pleasure

and that i will always treasure

Today i admire and everything is clear

Those sentiments fill me each day of the year

And Today my dear dad i want you to know

your values and lessons will continue to grow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wish I could be like my sister. Young yet mature! Doing right things at right time, saying right things at right time. Successful yet down to earth. Strict yet utterly loving. Takes up challenges, continues and comes out with flying colors. Again I am short of words. I admire her and love her to bits. Not just because she is my sister but because of the kind of person and a personality she is.

Submitting this post for Preeti's Wishlist Wednesday

When I am ME

When I am ME..

Firstly What is ME time : (My idea of ME time)

1.    When you can do what you like
2.    When you are NOT loaded with stress of a zillion To-Do things
3.    When you can switch off your mind to all distractions (the unwelcome ones)
4.    When you can feel the silence within yourself even with noise all around
5.    When what you do is just for your own satisfaction
6.    When you do something which is not a routine (or can be a routine but it meets all the above criteria too)
7.    When you can be just yourself – not a wife, not a mother, not a daughter (men can replace that as per their gender J ) but just an individual
8.    When it unrelated to career, families, relationships, community and anything else
9.    When it’s a break – a break for sanity’s sake
10.  When its not about duties and responsibilities

Now – What can be done is very  time dependent.  It can depend on how much time we can spare for ourselves. It can vary from having a cup of coffee sitting in your fav chair or just outside on porch(if weather permits) to long brisk walk to a call to sibling or friend or mom (as it goes for many females) or a movie in a theater.

To me it’s important to have some time for myself especially at the end of the day.  A moment of no household work, no phones, no internet surfing, no talking – just plain silence. But then such a moment is a rare one to get.

Here are some of my favorite things to do whenever I can manage time off from the so called duties.
1.    Lying on couch doing nothing – just nothing
2.    Watching a movie on TV while sipping some tea and then lying with my fav blanket on
3.    Reading a book
That’s all I manage to do whenever I can…
That’s Me time. That’s my time to regain sanity.

I would love to go out to café and sit and read and sip coffee, I would like to go out to watch movies, I would like to take soak in a warm bath for hours, I would like to go out for walks with my little girl, I would like to go to library and browse through shelves and shelves of books and sit and read, I would like to go to the parlour and get a nice massage done.

:)

Security or Freedom

PS: This post has been a work in progress for 2 weeks now. I am posting it as is. No further writing on this as I have already lost the thought process behind this.

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“You may be acting as if life is fine today, but you're probably worried that something isn't going your way. ….…………………… ………………………………………………………………………………. ……………………………………… …………………………  ………………………..

Instead of denying that you want more stability in your life, acknowledge that your desire for security is as important as your need for freedom. You might not be able to resolve these opposite forces now, but talking about them reduces your stress

”

This statement above put me into deep thinking mode this morning. Desire for security is as important as need for freedom. So Security is just a desire and freedom is a need. How aptly it fits with the current discussions going on in our country.  Women need freedom. Freedom to do what they like, freedom to go where they like, Freedom to go as they like, Freedom to do whenever they like. Whether they want a man, a pepper spray, some weapon or a rakhi  (as recently pointed out by some Godman) as security is something they can choose if they wish to….It should not be a NEED.

And then came another thought wave..pertaining to me personally. How often to I desire security – emotional security & financial security. There are days when I desperately crave for emotional security. I want people to love me and show me they love me. I want people to talk to me and show support. Its all a desire. A desire which at times becomes stronger than need. Emotional security is something we all strive for constantly. And even though most people shrug from the fact that they seek financial security too I would not hesitate to accept I desire financial security as much as I desire emotional. I cannot be at ease without any one of these. I need both.

But then my need for security has its roots in my need for freedom. (Ok as agreed and humbly accepted – I am a confused soul)

How apt were the above lines (for me)

Balancing – is what we all need to master.