Connections

How is it that we see someone from a distance and like them and want to talk to them (not like a strong desire but just a positive feel which one gets looking at someone) And then there are some we do not even want to look at let alone talk - and this has nothing to do with looks or outer appearance. There is that unseen aura, like some unseen rays reflected from each one of us that gives some feeling even before we actually talk to that person.

Some places carry a similar feeling - much like people. Some places - no matter what the purpose is - just give you shrills. And some places are just happy places to be. There is a little cafe nearby which gives me happy feel everytime i even think about it. Its a tiny cafe, with books all around, a nice cozy corner for kids to play, a big table for kids to do art and craft with their parents, a small part selling little stuff one can buy for gifts. And the best part is its called "Zoen" And Zoen in dutch means "Kiss". I wish I could go there more often. (Mental note : MUST GO THIS WEEK)

On the contrary there are places which increase my anxiety levels many-folds already from a day before i am supposed to go there. It's part for the purpose why people go there and part just the atmosphere. And I think part for my own reason of going there.
It's a brand new building - colorful with plenty of open spaces, and lots of space for privacy, Books in every room, even silent corners with recliners and push back easy chairs, a cafe and restaurant. Yet it gives me chills. As soon as I enter there, I get strange negative thoughts. (oh I am not a very positive person as such- that perhaps only makes it worse) The vibes of that place freak me out. All the time I am there i feel restless. Sometimes i have to ask me why am i feeling that way and remind myself to calm down. 

It's strange how our mind works. 

It's strange how opinions affect behavior. 

It's strange how all the energy in this world affects us in more ways than we realize. 

It's strange how our connection with people and place is made even before making an effort. 

Life goes on

Life goes on - No matter what! No matter how!!

We attach everything so much to our life that a little distance and we feel we are falling apart and cannot survive. The feeling is beyond words. But we get through it - We Do. Alive! Everyone does!

How often do we smile as if nothing is wrong, we talk as if everything is perfect, act like your life a dream come true and pretend that nothing is hurting! Today's social media unconsciously pushes us into that zone. The pretentious living!

We smile at the camera while the heart is exploding with pain.
We keep trying to sound so intelligent while we ourselves don't know what we are talking about.
Our words don't mean anything to us yet we use them...to impress the world, to please the unknown.

Fake or real
Happy or sad
Smiling or whining

life goes on...

aana jana

aana tumhara
ek hawa ke jhonke jaisa
bheeni khushbu
halka ehsaas
yun aakar sehlana
jaise sab dard
door gaye hon bhaag

phir dheere dheere
jana tumhara
laga ik tufaan
aandhi...
jo aankhen khulne na de
dard...
jo naye ghaav sa lage


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

I miss you in my life

I miss you in the hustle bustle of daylight 

And i miss you in lonely hours of the night 

I miss you when the sun shines bright 

And I miss you when the sky is lit with moonlight. 

I miss you when my world falls apart 

And i miss you when am happiest in my heart

I miss you when the tears don't stop 

And i miss you when my life seems on top. 

I miss you when i need some direction 

And i miss you when I achieve that perfection

I miss you when i see noone around

And i miss you when I need to feel safe & sound 

Chirping of birds or twinkling of stars

Peace all around Or with million thoughts in war

I miss you with every breath 

I will miss you till my death. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Loneliness or solitude?

Why do I write? It's not that I want people to think I am smart, or even that I am a good writer. I write because I want to end my loneliness.

-Jonathan Safran Foer

This is exactly the reason i am writing today. The feeling of loneliness is like overcast today. Thick dark clouds with no silver lining visible. I can keep looking up but only get to see darkness all around. Its a weird feeling. Something i am finding very difficult to put in words. 

It's like being a complete stranger standing amongst million people where noone is talking to you. And noone seems interested either. And you too don't want to make an effort. It's the killing silence around. It's being unable to find solace in anything you thought you liked or enjoyed once. It's the emptiness. 

It's all these together yet none of these. 

It's like a countless friends on social media but noone to talk. It's like your phone full of contact numbers but none you can call. It's like nothing making sense from outside but sounds most important too. It's utter nonsense at times and it's a matter of life and death too. 

Complicated to the core! 

EVENING SOLACE

THE human heart has hidden treasures, 
In secret kept, in silence sealed; 
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, 
Whose charms were broken if revealed. 
And days may pass in gay confusion, 
And nights in rosy riot fly, 
While, lost in Fame's or Wealth's illusion, 
The memory of the Past may die. 

But, there are hours of lonely musing, 
Such as in evening silence come, 
When, soft as birds their pinions closing, 
The heart's best feelings gather home. 
Then in our souls there seems to languish 
A tender grief that is not woe; 
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish, 
Now cause but some mild tears to flow. 

And feelings, once as strong as passions, 
Float softly backa faded dream; 
Our own sharp griefs and wild sensations, 
The tale of others' sufferings seem. 
Oh ! when the heart is freshly bleeding, 
How longs it for that time to be, 
When, through the mist of years receding, 
Its woes but live in reverie ! 

And it can dwell on moonlight glimmer, 
On evening shade and loneliness; 
And, while the sky grows dim and dimmer, 
Feel no untold and strange distress 
Only a deeper impulse given 
By lonely hour and darkened room, 
To solemn thoughts that soar to heaven, 
Seeking a life and world to come.

by Charlotte Brontë

http://m.poemhunter.com/charlotte-bront/

I'm nobody

While reading some poetry I came across this one and felt such a connection.
A deep heartfelt connection with nobody. The nobody whom I can feel, sense, talk to, laugh with, cry to, complain, blame, get angry at, take out my frustrations....and share every emotion I live each day.

Nobody - you are  my life, you are me!!

I like to live the life of nobody. Don't make me somebody. Somebody is easily forgotten. Somebody goes away, dies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'M Nobody! Who Are You? 

- Poem by Emily Dickinson

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell!
They'd banish -- you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one's name the livelong day
To an admiring bog! 

Emily Dickinson

Misery of expectations

Expectations are like suicide by slow poisoning yourself. How much do we humans expect from each other. Every relationship we build is based on some expectations - conscious or unconscious. I am helping you with your problem so I expect you to help me out with mine. And more often than not this is the biggest cause for all the misery. 

Quite often when our expectations from others are not met we actually forget our real problem and get more affected by that instead. How could he/she do that! I expected you to help me. I expected you to be there and offer support. Etc. Etc. Etc. 

Unfortunately this happens in all the relationships we have. Expectations is the root cause of differences that make a relationship weak and drifting us apart. 

But is it wrong to expect something from your loved ones? Is it wrong to expect them to be there for you like you do for them? Is it wrong to expect? 

If i can offer something, why can't I expect that back? 

This confuses me and leaves me sad. 

Every time I face this I gather myself and believe I won't get affected anymore. But it hits harder every time. 

We humans cannot live without digging pits for ourselves. We love, we trust, we provide and we expect all this in return. And loose faith in relationships each time this is not met. 

Simplicity is surely not one of my virtues. I tend to complicate everything. And then find a reason to nag! 

Ah Life!

Goes on!

Perhaps!

Be Right

A little hug
In that moment of despair
Is it "I love you"
Or is it "I am sorry"?
A silent company
In the most troubling moment
Is it "I am with you"
Or is it "I have nothing to say"?
A cheer up message
In the saddest moment
Is it "am thinking about you"
Or is it "Get over it"?

Mixed emotions
Mixed behaviors
Is one more right than another
Or
Is one of them plain wrong?

Some make the heart cry
some make the head spin

Be a friend, a lover or life

Just be the reason the life feels right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Just A Letter.

Its just a letter. Addressed to no one in particular.

Only Because I felt like writing to someone but didn't know to whom. Names of some -  though few - of my closest and loveliest people came to my mind but considering how much i bug them already with my non-stop nonsense, it only made sense to spare them of this.

So if you ever read this - YES this is directed to YOU!
(And Yes i am sure you will understand its for you)

My dearest dearest you,

Life goes on...
We share some. We avoid some. We live some. And we regret some.
But no matter what we do and how we feel, it keeps going on!

And in this journey we miss out on tiny little smiles and tiny little "hellos".
It doesn't seem important.
We believe our loved ones know what we mean and feel. We don't feel its important to say a hello without any agenda in mind. We don't feel there is any need to let them know how much we love them just because we believe they know. How often do we drop a message telling them we miss them or are just thinking about them. Rarely! Just because we assume they know it. Or we just find it awkward to say so.

So today I am writing to you to say all that.

I Miss You!
More often than you can ever imagine. Everytime i watch something interesting I think about you. Everytime i make something nice, i want to show it to you. Everytime i listen to something which makes me smile or ponder, i want to tell you. Everytime i read anything new I think about you. Everytime i eat something and really like it, i want to send it over to you. Everytime i am sad and low I want you nearby. Everytime I feel like crying I want to be with you. Everytime I am happy and joyful I want to share it with you. No matter what - you are the one who comes to my mind and i want to share that moment with.

It's as simple and as complicated as that.

Quite often i feel like telling this to you but i am somehow scared of being judged as crazy and perhaps an emotional fool. Besides I don't want you to feel burdened because of how I feel.

I also want to tell you that I Love you! A Lot!

It's ironical that no one ever says that to me (I am not counting the times when I almost force people to say it to me...without actually giving them an option). I know you do love me but like someone said - sometimes I want an assurance in the form of words - written or spoken. To feel cared for and loved is a very basic emotional need of a human beings. It keeps us going.
So today i want to tell you that I love you and I care for you!

No matter how I behave at times, no matter how I seem to be - Remember and Believe that there's always love...abundant love! And no matter what - I will always be there for you.

Much love and countless smiles,
Me

Neend... Bach ke nikal jati hai!

Neend kuch yun bach ke nikal jati hai 

Khamoshi jo kho gayi si lagti hai

Raat ke andhiyare mein 

Kash-ma-kash zehan mein  

Intezaar hai kisi anjane pal ka 

Waqt guzarta chale 

Jaise anjaan koi thaamna chah raha ho 

Thori garmaish, thori thand 

Din kuch palon se lamba

Jism dard se jyada dard mein 

Phir bhi...

Neend bach ke nikal jati hai 

Aur khamoshi kee aawaazein 

Zehan mein dabi bethi hein kahin 

Thaki hue see

Neend ke intezaar mein

Kahin duur khawabon mein dhoob jane ko

Uss khamosh pal mein

Kho jaun jahan mein apne hee khayalon mein

Kuch khamoshi

Kuch aaraam

Kuch khawab

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Oh!

Oh the thumping head
and the crying heart
calm down
for this is not heard
This engulfing sadness
and drowning thoughts
Embrace the loneliness
for that's what is yours'.

Oh silent winds
and the thunderous sunshine
leave me
for this is not felt
The silence that kills
and the emptiness within
Let the clouds scream
and rain wash away the pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Are you really helping?

" The researchers, from the University of Waterloo and Wilfrid Laurier University, ran a bunch of experiments involving how to best support people with different levels of self-esteem. They found that so-called "positive reframing", which, as the name suggests, is an attempt to put negative events in their "proper" perspective, not only doesn't resonate with people with low self-esteem, but can actually fully backfire and make the "comforter" feel worse about themselves because their comforting is not working, potentially damaging their relationship with the person they're trying to comfort.

"Source : nymag.com

This got me thinking. Like real deep thinking…which went on for weeks…almost months.
What was I thinking? Or Did I even think? Yes – loads. Day and Night – non-stop!

Despite believing my understanding -  I ended up using the typical – “positive reframing” way to deal with the situation.  I guess we all do that. That’s the default way of dealing with a situation. We try to show the positive side of everything to someone in distress. It may or may not work. I am not saying it’s the wrong way of dealing. But we need to understand the situation before we bombard someone in distress – may be depression and anxiety or just low mood - with “Get over it”, “It’s not that bad” kind of reactions. There's a plethora of encouraging phrases most people turn to when trying to cheer up a friend or loved one.

I am guilty too.

I understood it the hard way. I had to introspect. I had to research. I had to read – loads. I had to experience it myself.  Then only I could understand the difference and impact of “positive reframing” and "Negative validation". I am still struggling with differentiating between varied reactions that pop into my mind in real life situations. I still struggle with deciding on what’s right and what not. And more often than not I end up saying something which is not very welcome at that moment. But I am learning.

"Negative validation" — that is, "support behaviors that communicate that the feelings, actions, or responses of the recipient are normal and appropriate to the situation" — did resonate with people with low self-esteem."

"Negative validation" - is the way to be when you know your partner/friend needs more than just a ray of light to get her going . In such cases, the impact the “positive reframing” leaves is way worse and pushes away the person or leads to an invisible wall in between. Saying a “Cheer-up” turns out to be most negative thing to say at certain times. It might encompass the deepest and most genuine concerns you might have yet it backfires. You would most probably be left shattered and in tears at such times. But give it a moment and try to understand where it was coming from. It may sound a little counter-intuitive that some people would prefer not to be cheered up, but it really does make sense. Every negative event in their life seems to them as a reflection of their self worth. Hence any effort of telling them its not that bad may actually seem like a criticism of their own perceptions or feelings.

If you are the one in dip - this doesn't mean the friends or family trying to cheer you up are bad friends or partners, or that they lack empathy. In their favor - It can be exhausting dealing with someone who “appears” to simply refuse to feel better. In no way does that show people don’t care about each other. In no way does that reflect that the person doesn't understand your situation. Do not shoo them away for not being understanding enough.

How often have you been tempted to just say – Get over it. It will get better tomorrow! It’s a natural reaction when you see your loved one worrying about a past event or dreading a future one. On other side – its also natural that people are more inclined to think more negative and poorly about themselves in any given situation. And even more so - if they are going through a bad phase.

So when a loved one is having a rough phase (not in case its just a day once in a while), avoid telling him/her that things aren't so bad. The truth is if they feel its bad, its bad for them in some way. So what is appropriate is to just affirm that he/she has the reason to feel the way he  feels. On the contrary, if you’re the one who’d rather not get any preaching, try to gently explain to your loved ones that what you really need is some sympathy and confirmation through a rough patch, rather than well-intentioned attempts to counteract it.


References:
www.thedoctorwillseeyounow.com/
www.nymag.com
www.mayoclinic.org
www.helpguide.org

Silence

Some words are so empty
they don't mean a thing
and the pain is so deep
it no longer makes you cringe
The silence kills slowly
and promises fade away too
the sky turns grey
and nothing seems to stay
All thoughts flash by in mind
and moments play over again
Every word rings in ear
and shatters everything dear
Time will keep testing
and hurdles popping up too
Yet nothing seems worth a tear
'coz i know you are near
In times like these and more
when silence is the only truth
I will let me be myself
and resign to love we share

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Let-Go

For few weeks now all the posts and books I am reading triggered a chain of thoughts in me. After reading, for hours I am lost in thoughts - in comparing, in analyzing, in contemplating, in assuming, in anticipating and what not. The topics have been totally unrelated. Yet I somehow find them all connected. I feel that the universe is conspiring to give me some message. Perhaps to shake me up to see things in reality, in perspective. How we deal with emotions. How we react to situations. How we pretend to offer ourselves completely yet secretly keep a part hidden somewhere deep inside. How we take things for granted. How we get possessive about everything. How we show ownership. How we conveniently forget what we don't want to see. How we sympathize. And how we empathize.
How we let ourselves to get tormented and be in pain. How we chain and imprison ourselves. How we believe we cannot forget anything. How we choose to understand others better than understanding ourselves. How easily we loose balance of mind and life.

And All this is merely a tiny part in the grand scheme of things.

We give in. We forget that forgetting also takes time. It can take years to get over something or someone. But I think it does get easier. No one said Life is going to be easy, but the more you understand yourself, the easier it will get. And then very soon, you'll look back, laugh, and wonder: "What was I thinking?!"

I believe this is exactly what the universe is sending me signals about.

Can we defeat anything to gain back the balance? Can we find our way out of self inflicted torment and prison? I Believe - Yes. It just needs time, patience and real determination to let it go - which is the toughest task but not impossible. Allowing time to pass. Don't most things loose flavor with time! So do relationships and so do memories.

Ann Lander said - “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it."

People and situations are going to affect you in ways you could never imagine are even possible. No matter how right or wrong they are, holding on too tight to anything will only finish you gradually. LET - GO!

As someone said - Sometimes you have to Let go and be free!!

Dilemma

Night after night
I think about you
Without a blink
Just a blank stare
Making sense
And loosing faith
Loving one moment
and dreading another
Exhausted
and broke
Stepping away this moment
and holding tight next
Heart reminds
of promises made
Mind plays games
of heartbreak and sorrows
With dozing eyes
and weeping heart
Lost in time
Yet holding that thread
Searching for meaning

And Not letting loose

Shall I keep promises

Or shall I let it go?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Thought

Just a simple yet  powerful thought I came across while reading "Five People You meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom.

"Worrying won't stop the bad things from happening, it just stops you from enjoying the good."



"In Order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it."

You are a star

The bright blue sky
and the mirage below
I sat and pondered
but it made me mellow.
looking around
not a soul in sight
lost in your thoughts
I saw some light
twinkling and shining
you shone like a star
That moment in time
I tried to hold you tight
But the star as you were
No one being can own
Meant for many
to brighten and smile
I look up and wonder
and still find you all mine
At any moment in time
I find you there
Hiding behind that sun
or peeping through clouds
Sharing my smiles
and wiping my tears
I sit back and ponder
and swell up with pride


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

All this and more...

There are times someone upsets you and you end up getting angry.

Someone might say cruel words that will hurt you and make you very sad.

Sometimes unwise decisions are made and you are disappointed.

Somebody's actions make you to worry about them.

And There can be moments where someone will make you cry

Someday unforgivable mistakes will be made by someone

There will be lies told to you and your trust will be tested.

A small conversation might end up breaking your heart.

All this will happen - repeatedly.

There will be struggles and there will be challenges.
There will be arguments and there will be discussions.
There will be pain and there will be sorrows.

But with all this there will also be love.
A feeling so strong that each time it will help you deal with all of those and forget them and move on. Its Love which makes us strive for a happier life.
Its love which makes us make those extra efforts each day.
Hold on to that... Let Life take its own course.

Kashmakash

Aakhen khuli
par dikhayi na de kuch
Na aayi jo kab se...
uss neend se Jaagun
Saans chali ja rahi hai
par zindagi ruki hai
honth hilte to hein
par koi awaaz na nikli
Dil mein ik boj sa hai
par koi aasun na chalke
sawaal mann mein bahut hein
jawaab milte nahin par..
aawaazein bahut hein yahan pe
sirf khamoshi sunun mein
adhura sa lagta sab kuch yahan pe
kis rah pe nikul
anjaani hein raahein...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Uss Pal...

कहीं .. उस  बीच के पल में
सोयी आँखों  और  जागती सुबह के बीच में
जब ख़्वाब सच लगते हैं
सुबह की पहली रौशनी में
बंद आखों पे मुस्कुराते हुए
उस पल की तेह में
जब दिल यह दुआ मांगे
बढ़ जाऊं आगे मैं
अपनी ही अनगिनत यादों से
जहाँ हर ख्याल हो आज़ाद
न हो अकेलेपन की उलझन
न हो ख़ामोशी से परेशानी
ऐ पल ले चल मुझे वहां
जहाँ बंद अाखों के ख़्वाब
आँख खुलते ही सच बन जाते हैं

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somewhere in the middle of that moment
between Sleepy eyes and waking up morning
With the first ray at dawn
When the dreams seem true
They smile at the eyelids.
In between the layers of that moment
This heart prays
To go far ahead
From all the Countless memories
Where every thought is free
No skepticism of loneliness
and Silence is not a problem
O moment, take me there..
where...
Dreams lying on eyelids
Become truth on waking up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Empty Randomness

Poking an empty heart
Corners
Sides
And everything…
Pieces held together
But… Falling apart was easier
I believed I knew
I knew how it feels
To cry in the shower
To fall apart in silence
For everything to hurt
Tiredness none can heal
“Blame on” – said a voice
“self inflicted” – said a falling part
Confusion and confidence
Hoping and coping
Existing and Breathing
Living and trying
Choice – had I none
Slow drowning
Into the black hole
Never to come out
What is true happiness
And what is little less sad
Numbness
Silence
Explosion…

…And to Emptiness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Granted? Or not?

Lead me to anywhere
and I will follow you blindly
Take me for a ride
and I will still love you deeply
Make a fool of me
and I will forgive you
Get upset with me
and I will mend my ways
Say you don't need me
and I will move away quietly
Push me silently
and I might not return 

Ek Muskurahat

Tune haq yaad dilaya muskurane ka,
Ab kaisa yeh shaunk hai tera apna chehra chupane ka...
Iss Doobte ko bacha laya tu kinaare pe,
Ab mujhe intezaar hai tere khud ke muskurane ko

तूने हक़ याद दिलाया मुझे मुस्कुराने का
अब कैसा यह शौंक है तेरा अपना ही चेहरा छुपाने का
इस डूबते को बचा लाया तू किनारे पे
अब मुझे इंतज़ार है तेरे खुद के मुस्कुराने का

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

kya khoya kya paya

Sochti thi zaroorat thi tere paas hone kee
tere hone se zindagi se faraar hona aasaan tha
woh mein - jisse darr sa lagta tha
woh mein - jise gale na laga payi
kyun nahin mein mein ho pati
kyun nahin mein apne saath reh pati
waqt beeta, khud se hee duur ho gayi
kya tere hone se apne ko kho diya dheere dheere
...
...
sab kuch badal sa gaya
Khud se naraazgi hue ab
Khud se faraar hona namumkin lagta tha
par duur kahin duur nikal gayi mein
mujhe khud ko paane ke liye
tera dheere dheere chale jana
mila na saka mujhe mujh se hee
socho to kya paaya kya khoya
na tu mila na khud ko dhoond payi mein...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Stop Thinking

Stop thinking!
a casual remark was it
or a serious concern
a request
or an order?

Stop thinking - what, why?
mindless thinking
or thinking that solves
in a closed room
or under floating clouds?

rough thinking
happy thinking
holding the tears
staring into blank
am i misplaced
or deep in thought?

...and i continue to think...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
© 2015 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY

Don't Rush

Always heard from everyone around that being a parent is not only tough and challenging but equally rewarding and satisfying too. Being myself a mom for 7 yrs now i have gone through mixed thoughts often. When a moment of gratitude turns into outburst of anger - has been beyond my understanding so far. One thing is for sure - Being a parent means making patience your best buddy. Never ever let it go. Eat patience, drink patience, sleep patience and basically live patience. Make it your own.

Inspite of knowing and acknowledging this - unfortunately i have never been able to nurture it. Its like any other emotion of mine. At times i have more than ample and other times i lack it big time. No hack or crack has been found as yet. 

Every single day i notice the need of patience more and more. We live in times where "hurrying" is our second nature. We are always in hurry - running from one thing to another. Never actually taking the time to think. Keep moving onwards and ahead and onto next is our life. How soon we drag our kids into that race is shocking. We use the word "hurry up" more than anything else we say to them. Sometimes i wonder whats the first word that comes to my daughter's mind as soon as she sees me at any point. Am sure its "Hurry Up". 

And this thought breaks my heart. And its not just with kids, it affects every aspect of our life including all relationships.

Hurry Hurry hurry and before we know a moment is lost, a gesture is missed, a signal is ignored, a smile is lost, a hug is forgotten. No wonder affection is losing its place today.
We know this. We all acknowledge it too. We realize we need to slow down just a little. Yet how many of us take a moment for this.

Being busy has become a way of telling the world how well we are doing. Busy is first excuse for everything.

We are busy hurrying up and loosing patience - ALL THE TIME!!

Busy to say hello. Busy to drop a message. Busy to smile at each other. Busy to ask how the other person is doing. Busy to enjoy a song together. Busy to eat together. Busy to share a hug. Busy to do anything yet busy.

I am no different. Rushing from one to another...hurrying up...Busy!

I want to slow down. Breathe! Smile! Cherish the moments! Stop, enjoy and Be Thankful.

“I've always been in a rush. Ever since I was a child I always thought that there was somewhere else I ought to be even though there was nowhere else I had to go.” 
― Donal O'Callaghan

Here are the most aptly written thoughts by Juan Olivarez

Don't cut the plant,
Just let it grow.
Don't rush through life,
Go nice and slow.

Don't cut the blossom,
Just inhale it's soul,
What grows before you,
Is God's true gold.

Don't rush inside,
When it starts to pour.
Just walk through the rain,
As you've, done before.

Rise early one day,
And behold the dawn,
And a giant red orb,
Will stifle your yawn.

Wonder at the moon,
High in the night sky.
And the stars all around,
So incredibly high.

Do you remember,
When you were so young,
And a world full of wonder,
Was there to be won.

Some look but don't see,
And who holds the key?
To the wonders the lord made,
For you and for me.

Some hear, but don't listen,
They're too busy by far.
To hear rustling of leaves,
Or see twinkling of stars.

To hear birds in the trees,
Oh such beautiful songs.
To see clouds floating by,
When the wind is so strong.

Don't rush through your life,
Take a deep breath and then.
Behold all the marvels,
God created for men.

Smell of the flowers,
Along lifes highway.
And your life will be better,
By far in this way.

Juan Olivarez

A year in perspective...

A year in perspective... 

Last year this time i was unwell - in pain - physically and psychologically. 

Right hand and arm were swollen up and in pain. Was getting difficult to do basic daily tasks. Headache had become a constant companion for months. Sleep deprivation only made it all worse. I was trapped in the vicious cycle and was on the verge of breaking down. I stopped talking to anyone. I would not take up calls from family and friends. I would cry at the drop of a pin or sometimes for no reason at all. I would scream, get angry, upset and restless at the smallest trigger. 

My physical complaints(arm/hand) were known and visible at workplace. So at the advice of my doctor i was told to stop going to work immediately. So on Jan 15 last yr suddenly I took the break. For first two weeks i lied in bed day and night - reading & sleeping and only stepping out of bed for basic necessities. Then I started going for physiotherapy once a week for my physical complaints. During this phase i avoided any social gatherings at the pretext of being unwell. I would break down sitting anywhere. I would get restless for no reason. I kept myself aloof. 

It was only after 4-5 weeks had passed that i started to feel lighter and better. And after being home for 6 weeks, i decided and insisted on going back to work. But at doctor's advice started with a few hours only (though his first advise was to stay home for few more weeks.) Starting with few hours and Then half days and gradually in 3 months time i went back to usual full time routine. It took a lot of efforts, immense amount of strength and huge changes in life style. Tough and dead-end is what it seemed at that time. 

It seemed ...its all over. 

Rest of the year was no easy and I had way more than my-handling-capacity of problems. I went through a never ending roller coaster ride. A plathora of emotions. 

Yet a year later today i feel like a different person. 

A lot changed. A lot happened. I am

Thankful to a lot of people. I am thankful for all the support i got from known and unknown. I am indebted for life to someone who doesn't even realise how my life has changed by every word said and every gesture shared, for every second of listening ear provided to me and for every tear shared. I am a new person because of you. I will never be able to thank you enough. 

My physical problems are much lesser and arm and hand are in much better state now. Therapies continue. I am

more positive than ever and more determined too. If I can survive last year - I believe I can handle anything. I know life will still throw a lot of challenges my way but i also know - with little extra strength in those times i will be able to deal with them. 

Thank you God for sending such souls in my life. 

If ever there was proof of magic in my life, it can only be your presence my dear friend! 

Dil aakhir tu kyun rota ha

Starting off another year with some close-to-heart poetry. It triggers a stream of emotions each time I read or listen to these...
The ever beautiful poetry by Javed Akhtar for "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara."

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya

Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain

Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai

Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~