2011 - That was...

Another year is almost over. Time to reflect back and recall the moments of joy and appreciate them and also moments of pain to learn and get stronger.

Family : No visiting family back home this year which is sad But actually could talk more to them this year - thanks to the technology and options available for making calls.

Home : Home has been in the worst ever condition this year. - Fail fail fail.
Plans to buy new house- fail.
Rearrange the current house - fail

Work : Got the new role - Good. But also had to deal with lots of troubles at work. There are still 2 more days left for this year so can't say anything. - Worrying

Travel : Very very less travel (If i exclude my daily commute to work which is average 4 hrs each day). Only 2 small out of country vacations that too for only 4-5 days each and one in NL only. - so OK OK.

Finances : No saving dont this whole year. - Major sadness. But I didn cut down a lot on my shopping expenses and also we could cut down on eating out expenses - Small Achievements

Kid : As before could not give much time to her - Shame on me :(
Kid got lots of scolding from me this whole year - Major sadness
Tried to do some craft activities with the kid - Smiles
Kid started school this year - Happiness and Pride

Hobbies : Bought new camera this year which brought along tons of happiness. Clicked some really nice shots and am very happy about it. Already got one more new Lens as gift. - Happiness
Also wrote quite some poetry this year. - Satisfaction

Health : Health has been ok this year. Just backache problems which gave me hard time for couple of months. - Not bad


Books : Did almost no reading this whole year - Feeling lost and sad. Though I did buy some nice books to read. Currently reading Steve Jobs biography. Hopefully more will be read in the coming new year. - Hope

Mood : The mood throghout this year has been low and bad and angry. (I pity my dear husband who had to bear the brunt of it all)


Overall : A simple, normal year. Nothing vey exciting happened and nothing really bad either.

So Am thankful for all the good times we had.

Highlights of the year : New DSLR, Holday with friends, a decade of being married, daughter starting school and NO serious health problems

Happy New Year to all of you!

May the new year brings along lots of reasons to smile and be happy. Have good health, have peace of mind and keep loving!!

See you next year.

Wishing you all Happy Days!

Tired and Homesick

For many days I have been writing something but not posting as it was all full of frustrattions and rants.
Then I thought - So what - this is my blog and my space. Why do i have to hold back but I feel like writing.
Writing helps release all the tensions. So I will write whatever i feel like and post it too.

So - Bear with me if you find it all very negative and full of frustrations.

(You can stop reading if you are in no mood to listen to any more of rants)

So Its been more than one year since I visited family. Last we went to India was in Oct-Nov 2010.
This is holiday season here. Everyone is taking off and going to visit families. The office is calmer and quieter (not work-wise though) And so many people have alreday asked me about my holiday plans and If i am visiting my family. I must say - I cannot - just CANNOT take that question any more. I am NOT going to India this year and i have speand awful amount of time to prepare myself to accept that. But may be I should not get upset about people asking me this. Afterall this is the only topic everyone is talking about these days.

So yes - I am upset about the fact that i have not seen my family for over a year now and wont see them for coming few months either.
Besides, what is making it worse is lots of other worries of life. I am loosing it all. I am loosing all pateince to deal with anything. I get angry at the drop of a a feather (Did you get the meaning?!!?!?!?)
And here comes the worst bit of it all - I take out so much of my anger on my kid :( I dont want to do that and I dont do that intentionally but that what happens. She ends up getting scolded for every small thing. I am guilty as hell for this behaviour of mine but i just cannot help it. Someone out there please please tell me how to deal with this. Any advise is welcome.

The I am fedup of managing this work-life balance. I cannot do this anymore. I just cannot. I feel physically and mentally exhausted. The reasons being millions.

I am not at all blaming the world for my worries but it does seem like the whole universe is conspiring to turn things against me.Nothing goes right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aakhon mein aasun
dil mein dard
kaise yeh pal hien
kaise yeh raat

sapnon kee woh dhundli tasveer
jane kis badal kee peeche chupi hai
jane kyun suraj gayab hua hai
jane kyun baarish rukti nahin hai
jane kyun dil kee awaaz nahin hai
jane kyun aakhen kuch kehti nahin hein
jane kyun iss rah pe chali ja rahi hun
jane kyun duji rah nazar na aaye
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woman - I bow | VAW Awareness Month October 2011

High in pain 

Low in feeling 

The woman inside 

Is calmly dealing 

Each day is big 

Each day is heavy 

Those Tears are dry 

And no longer cry 

Head bounces in anger

Heart refuses to beat 

Eyes do not flutter 

Mind loaded with clutter 

Scars are hidden 

Emotions are dead 

Yet Smiles grow 

This "woman" i bow!

Stree Shakti | VAW Awareness Month October 2011

For October, a group of bloggers and friends are planning a powerful initiative, taking the topic of Violence Against Women. They are aware of the fact that the subject on violence against woman is very wide and includes multiple aspects. To ensure that this awareness campaign is effective, they have limited the scope to the following aspects...

1. Domestic violence – Physical violence against the woman by husband/partner and other family members
2. Violence against girl child including deprivation
3. Sexual violence – including marital rape, date rape
4. Emotional/psychological abuse
5. Dowry related violence including Bride Burning
6. Female Infanticide
7. Acid attacks

So - COME. JOIN IN and SUPPORT the cause. It's for YOU, ME and every other female around the world.

This is a week of celebrations in India. Ofcourse Indians all over the world are celebrating too. This is the Celebration of the Goddess - the power of womenhood - stree shakti! The power that can nurture a heart and fight a demon. Such is the power of a woman. The fearlessness and patience a woman can show is beyond  measure.

Lets get together, celebrate these 9 days and pay our tributes to all those women who - inspite of all odds and being victims of violence - stood up and fought for getting the smiles in their lives. Lets salute each on of them! Lets salute their courage!

Just a Reminder

I just want to remind my self to Read Read Read....

It's been ages since i read properly....i mean a book.


I miss reading.

Yaadein - Memories

मन्न  क्यूँ  बहका
आंसूं   क्यूँ  छलके 
कुछ  तो  था
जो  दिल  को  छु  के  निकला

वृक्ष  झूमे
डालियाँ  घबरायीं
पत्तों  ने  हवा  का  हाथ  थामा
हवा  ने  भी  साथ  निभाया

इक  झोंका  जो  यादें  जगा  के  निकला
दिल  को  यूँ  हिला  के  निकला
यादों  की  लम्बी   सी  लड़ी
बनती  ही  चली  गयी

कुछ  आसूं  छलके
कुछ  मुस्कुराहटें  बिखरीं
थोरे  गम्म  याद  आये
थोरी  खुशियाँ  नज़र  आयीं

आज  बेठी  हूँ  में
उन्  पालों  में  गुम
वोह  पल  जो  यादें  हैं
वोह  पल  जो  याद  आते  हैं

Mann kyun behka
Aanshun kyun chalka
Kuch to tha
Jo dil ko chu ke nikla

Vriksha jhume
Daaliyan ghabrayin
Patton ne hawa ka haath thama
Hawa ne bhi saath nibhaya

Ik jhonka Jo yaadein jaga ke nikla
Dil ko yun hila ke nikla
Yaadon kee lambi si ladi
banti hee chali gayi

kuch aasoon chalke
kuch muskurahatein bikhrin
thore gamm yaad aaye
thori khushiyan nazar aayin

aaj bethi hun mein
unn paalon mein gum
woh pal jo yaadein hein
woh pal jo yaad aate hien

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

If you are interested in more poetry here - here is the link

Anjaane se lagte ho

Ae anjaane saathi mere

yun saath chalte chalte

ho gaye kayi saal humein

phir bhi kyun lagte ho

tum anjane se meet mere

woh din yeh lamhe

nikalte hee chale jayengay

hum yun hee iss tarah

saath chalte hee jayengay

Na jane kyun ummeed hai mujhe

zindagi kee kisi rah pe

yun hee guzarte hue kisi mod se

dekhengay hum ik baar phir se

mein janungi tumhe aur tum pehchanoge mujhe

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

Edited to Add: Just realised this is my 150th post. Saw this number just like that after i posted this. I would not have liked my some spl number post to be anything else than poetry. I am glad it turned out to be like this. If you are interested in more poetry here - here is the link

10 Days of ME - Day 6 - Foods

My 10 Days of Me Challenge has gone way beyond 10 days. Ok - who said it has to be in 10 consecutive days (self convincing) So here i am back again with another day.
And this time it is ...umm..let me see..ok so its is

Five Foods....(bas maar daalo itni choti selection se) - Selecting only 5 - Are you kidding me? I can go on writing forever and yet the list wont end. There goes the foodie.

Ok here i begin the hard task of selecting 5.

Rajma Chawal (Red Kidney beans and Rice) - Now this is on my mind today. Want it now now now. Thanks to the tweet mentioning it.

Spaghetti pescatore (Sea Food Spaghetti) - there is no other dish easier to make than this and its just brilliant. I am totally in love with it. Purely italian, recipe from an italian and we are hooked on to this like anything. I can have it any time any quantity :)

Falafel - Love this one with all the salad and sauces there. Don't miss out on those full chillies. Awesome vegetarian lunch.

Samosa - This is one thing i have loved from ever since I remember. But I totally detest those fancy version of real samosa with all that dry fruit, paneer etc etc etc added. I love my samosa from a small corner shop with only masala potatoes there in. And ofcourse with that awesome green chutney.

I am thinking thinking thinking about what to put as fifth...there are sooo many options coming to my mind.....am thinking thinking

Chicken Tikka - Our very own desi chicken tikka. Love it anyway with some hot hot green chutney. BTW, I absolutely love biryanis too. (Secretely adding another one to fifth point)

OK so that was my list....and I am so hungry now. And All i have is a soup. Ok its Miso soup with chicken.

~~~~~~~~~

10 Days of ME - Day 1 - Secrets
10 Days of ME - Day 2 - Loves
10 Days of ME - Day 3 - Fears
10 Days of ME - Day 4 - Wants
10 Days of ME - Day 5 - Places

10 Days of ME - Day 5 - Places

Another day...and I reach the day to think about Six places..
hmm...now thats one difficult one for me..
Let me begin and give it a try

Srinagar (Kashmir, India) - Thats one palce I would love to go back. I have grown up there. Spent first 10 years of my life there. I have more memories of that place than any other till date.

Strasbourg (France) - We went for a vacation there and totally fell in love. Such a lovely place. We want to go back soon.

Delft (Netherlands) - That was the first city I styed in when I came here for the first time. That city has a charm of its own. Embracing the dutch heritage in architecture and nurturing the modern life by being a very student city. It has the famous Techical University of Delft.

Bangalore (India) : 3 years back we went there for the first time visiting family. Absolutely loved the city. A great mix of typical indian culture and the western influence.

Venice (Italy) : I don't think i need to explain why i love that. You need to visit it once to feel it yourself.

Paris (France) : Again, its the charm of the place. Its the beauty. Its the feel you can get obnly by being there.

Delhi (India) : Ok Its last in this list but that does not mean its the last preferred place. Its tops the list anyday. What do i say about apni diili...(in real sense i have not stayed there for long so i still miss the real real apni dilli kee feeling) For the rest, it means my family to me.


WOW...i absolutely loved doing this one. And now nostalgia is kicking in big time.

:)

~~~~~~~~~

10 Days of ME - Day 1 - Secrets
10 Days of ME - Day 2 - Loves
10 Days of ME - Day 3 - Fears
10 Days of ME - Day 4 - Wants

10 Days of ME - Day 4 - Wants

It's Day 4. It's about Seven wants.
I had done two similar posts on the lisnes opf my wishlist...Read here and here

So here is my list in no partcular order...7 wants...

I want to have a library of my own

I want to have  an exhibition of paintings

I want to have a time machine in which I can travel back in time to live those happy moments once again  and be back.

I want to own a jet plane so i can fly and visit my family whenever i wish to.

I want to have a chip fitted inside me to do the household work. So i would just need to swithoff my normal self and switch on that robotic mode to start working.

I want to have mind reading power which i believe will solve lot of problems. (Or may be not. But i choose to believe it will solve.)

I want to go on an year long holiday so I can travel around the world with my daughter.

~~~~~~~~~

10 Days of ME - Day 1 - Secrets
10 Days of ME - Day 2 - Loves
10 Days of ME - Day 3 - Fears

10 Days of ME - Day 3 - Fears

Here I am on Day 3..Talking about fears. As i started writing this my mind wandered. What are fears? Is it some thing that scares us? is it some inner feeling that keeps us away from something? Is it something we dread? Is it something we would not want to happen coime what may?

I could not decide which one of these it is. Or so I thought. It is perhaps all of them. Fear - which each one has in some form of the other. Fear of loosing! Fear of gaining! Fear of leaving! Fear of meeting!


My mind struggled to let these out...
Here is my list... 8 fears...

My biggest fear is being alone. How muich ever i would say I want some alone time - the truth is I cannot be alone. I go crazy. Ic annot eat. i cannot do anything. Weel, thatd oes not mean i cannot stay alone at home for a while or anything like that. I mean alone forever, alone in life, alone and lonely!

I cannot bear the thought of loosing my loved ones. Its my biggest fear. I do not know how it is to cope with any such loss and i do not want to expereicne that ever.

I absolutely dread lizards. eww...even the thought is giving me shivers. So i leave this topic here as it is.

I am dead scared of snakes. I cannot even look at them.

Whenever I take a bus, train or any other public transport  - I always fear that I am in the  wrong one. I need to check outside and also inside  to be sure I am in the right one. So much so  that every single day I take a bus from station to my office and back. Its the only big red colored bus on that route. All other buses are from different companies/services hence diff colors. Yet when i take this, I always always - for a split second - doubt that I am in the wrong bus.I check on the screens inside bus or listen to driver for being sure.

At one point loosing my friends was something I thought I would not be able to take. Yet with passing time, friends came and went. Some close and deeply cherished ones stopped communicating. Having gone through that - I do not fear this anymore. People come and go, if they have the true connection with your heart, they willbe there - come what may. Others will blame it on distances, getting married, having kids, busy schedules, hectic lives etc etc etc.

I have this strange fear of loosing a day. I want to remain awake till as late as possible. i feel if i sleep the day will end. And it will end forever.

As a child I used to be aftraid of darkenss. Bt not anymore. Darkness triggers mind to think beyond what is obvious. Its triggers other senses too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 Days of ME - Day 1 - Secrets
10 Days of ME - Day 2 - Loves

10 Days of ME - Day 2 - Loves

So 10 day challenge and I already missed day 2 & 3. Not good at all. I would have declared it Big Failure but No, i wont do so as yet. I have decided to run bit fast, catch up on missing posts and keep going as far as I can.

So here is Day 2 - 9 loves of my life...

First and foremost - my little girl - my daughter - Prisha. If am given only a split second to think, i would say She is my only love in life.

My sister - she is my soul. If i had multiple personality disorder, she would be one personality i would have loved to be :)

I love colors - in all forms. I am not a black n white person at all.

I love listening to gazals and sufu music

I love  a specific pair of heels i have. I wish they stay forever.

I love beaches. Only i need to be under the umbrella. cannot sit in sun for long. love the water as far as you can see the most.

I absolutely love to lie down and watch TV till late in the night. Don't need any company for that.

I love my camera. Taking pictures has become a routine. (Not that my daughter really appreciates that anymore)

I love samosas. Any number, any day, anytime :) (Oh How much i miss those choti dunkaan ke samose)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 Days of ME - Day 1

10 Days of ME - Day 1

Ok - So I think i can only keep this blog  alive when there are some challenges. For the same reason - as soon as I came across this 10-Day Challenge started by Preeti - i had to take it up.

So here I begin..

10 Secrets...(And here i go....opening up my secret diary)

1. I am very very short tempered. I feel I am like that most of the times besides when I am  sleeping.(Ok its a secret for blogworld only - not for my family)
   
2. I hate to be late for appointments unless the reasons for it are other people involved or something that can't be avoided. that deos not mean i am never late. I do get late too but i hate it. Weird?!?!?
   
3. I think i am the only one in the world who does not have any music on her iphone and laptop. (I discovered that recently during a conversation where I shocked the listeners beyond limits..they are still regaining from this shock.  I was immediately redirectedto  the sites where i can download music from)
   
4. And like Preeti - I hate oranges too. I cannot stand their smell. i hate it when people have oranges in  closed places like buses and trains where I cannot open windows or go out. I almost get nausea.
   
5. I cannot drink hot coffee with sugar and I cannot drink cold coffee without sugar :) Now thats complicated - right?
   
6. I cannot stand rains. i hate walking in rain even if its just drizzling. I hate that wet-humid feeling. I hate that grayness.
   
7. I always want to be the last one to reply to an email. I mean in a chain of email going back and forth between me and someone else - i want to be the one sending the last reply. Till i get a reply i keep replying back ;) (But i keep waiting for the reply to my last one too - how complicated can one get!)
   
8. I do not know driving and swimming- ok i know very little of both actually (Go on - you can bash me..i know these are life skills :()
   
9. I cannot stand kids' crying. Yes - being a mom that can be a weird thing to say..how can you avoid that when you have a kid of your own. But yes..its the truth..I cannot stand it. I go crazy when I hear kids' crying. My brain goes in some  war.
   
10. I cannot take shower in cold water even if its very hot weather. The water needs to be little bit warm.

Phewww.....done!
Believe me it was tough. Revealing your secrets is HARD!
Well..they are no longer any secrets.
Have fun..

And if you take up this challenge too, please drop a comment to let me know. I will love to know your secrets!

Another baby

Ok Ok....stop before you think too far...
It's about another love child :)

The baby here is another blog for my love - photography.

(Seems like photos and camera is the only topic I have these days - Thanks for bearing with me - You know I feel honored - right?)

Yes - so back to the new baby topic.

As Already announced (or taken on myself) - I am participating in 30 Day Challenge - June 2011. Taking a picture everyday for the month of June as per the topic.

And to  keep that seperate from this location (To save this one from turning into non-writing adda) I have a new baby - Life Behind Lens

Please pay a visit to my new baby and shower some blessings!

Thank you!!

PS: Do check out the flickr group for the awesome pictures people all over the world have taken. It's inspirational.

Love - Post 30

Dear blogosphere inhabitants....as we mark the completion of May Month NaBloPoMo - i am jumping into another one.
Wait wait...read further first..

As few of you must have read my happiness filled post - you can imagine what my love is these days.

So to add to my joy and to brush and polish my skills (I am assuming I have some :) ) I am taking up another month long challenge. Yes you heard it right....another challenge of posting everyday for the month of June. But Yes - you guessed it right - its not writing - its photos.

So I have accepted to be part of this

So starting today - I wll post one picture everyday on the theme as per the list :)

Come on tell me - who all are ready for this?

Recapturing smiles : Post 29

Earlier this month I complete 6 years of my stay here in Netherlands. Lot happened during this time.
Today i am listing 10 things from last 6 years that give me smiles.

1. First and foremost - I became a mom - 3.5 yrs back.
   
2. I experienced all kinds of weathers - Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter (And sometimes 2-3 of these on a single day :) )
   
3. I walked in knee deep snow and not just for fun for but for reaching work and then back home.
    
4. For the first time in life I did skiing
   
5. I learned to make things i would crave for and miss here.(food I mean)
   
6. I hosted parties for over 40 people and did every bit fo cooking myself including welcome drinks :)
   
7. I flew to another country to meet a friend (About a dacade back We used to fantasize about meeting each other at airport in some foreign land  and would never ever imagine one day we will do so too - there is along story behind this)
   
8. I learnt a new language - Dutch - good enough to talk to an old lady for half an hour in a train
   
9. Met people from all over the world and learnt there is so much cultural similarity in each one.
   
10. Went to Venice - which was one of my dream places to go.

OK - there are many more coming to mind now, but I will leave it to 10 :)

My day - Post 28

Do you have days when everything seems bad?
Life seems like a pain.
Everything seems to turn back towards you.
Suddenly it feels you have all the problems of the world in your life.
Nothing works.
You feel like crying but cannot.
You feel like screaming but your throat does not support you to do that.
You feel like hitting anyone who messes with you or may be even if does not mess with you.
You feel like banging your head against the wall.
Head is full of so many worries - if let loose they will cover the whole earth.
Heart races like a ferari.
Every word sounds crap.
Any advice sounds blabber.

Tell me do you have such days??

I do but I am Grateful today is NOT one such day. :)
And suddenly I feel lucky and happy!!

Side Note: Last weekend I watched that movie - Dilli Chalo. A dialogue in it by Vinay Pathak hit me hard. (PS: the words might be slightly different but this was the meaning)

"Agar dukhon ka mazak udaao aur unpe haso to woh bhaag jati hein"

(If you laugh at worries and make fun of them they run away)

My life in books - Post 27

Now that all of you lovely girls have done this - Why should I leave the opportunity
Thanks Monika, Chandni, Iya for giving me the idea for this last bit of NaBloPoMo

Ok so complete the sentences by adding the title of the book you have read (Please don't relate to the content - It's only the titles)



Here is my life in books ...


In School I was: The Other side of the story

People Might be surprised I’m: Imperial Woman

I will never be: The Scapegoat

My Fantasy job is: Shalimar the Clown

At the end of a long day I need: (Of) Human Bondage

I Hate It When: (someone is) Extremely loud and incredibly close

Wish I Had: Sense and Sensibility :)

My Family Reunions Are: Made to Shine

At A Party You’d Find Me: (with) blue shoes and happiness

I’ve Never Been To:  The Farewell Symphony

A Happy Day Includes:  A Thousand splendid suns

Motto I Live By:  Don't sweat the small stuff...

On My Bucket List: A Passage to India

In My Next Life, I Want To: (be on) The Good Earth

Bliss - Post 26

I read this at Chandni's blog and got the inspiration.

I have two fav places to sit at home. One is exactly like her - on bed with books on side table and TV in front.

But my preffered one is.. Easy chair by the window with huge mug of coffee and a book in hand, gazals playing in background. Feeling the warmth of sunshine or hear heavy rainfall on window. I love this chair of mine. Just sitting there looking outside and lost in thoughts is what i like the most ;)

I have another fav place which i rarely get to use. Its the swing in our garden. I just love sitting there watching the sky - be it the blue one with white clouds or the night sky with stars. Thanks to mostly cold and rainy weather I rarely get to do this. Having weekend morning coffee sitting there is an absolute bliss which I have got to experience only couple of times till now.

So tell me- which is your fav place to sit??

Happiness - Post 25

Yes. I am very happy. Finally i went and bought myself a gift :)

And my gift is Nikon D5100 :) ... Yes m talking about new camera. So, am i happy??? YES.. A lot (anti-jinx)

Pics of trial will follow soon!

No more - Post 24

That pain inside
and that tension in head
It was all so clear
see those wrinkles on forehead

that broken heart
and that choking throat
its no longer hidden
as you try to swallow those tears

Heaviness loathing
and breathing not real
you just seem to drag
that life which seemed surreal

Is that your soul?
Oh It seems no more
That thing called feelings is dead
And there is no more dread

Not being able to bear that
I turn away lost in my thoughts
My movement sees me moving too
Oh Mirror Oh Mirror...please tell me its not true!

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY. 

Thursday Challenge - Post 23

I felt a strong urge to do this when i saw Thuirsday challenge ( Also to catch up on posts)

So the theme for this week is :

"WET" (Rain, Puddles, Water,...)

 

Life on the way - Post 22

Today morning when i was on my way to work - as always i noticed quite a few things.
Shoes have been my love always. So i was just randomly noticing what people were wearing..i mean footwear. And i took some shots. So here i present to you some random shots i took this morning.

This one for the special standing out red socks :)

And this one specially to show that goldden bag that the old lady was carrying. :)

A life - Post 21

Of this and that
Of here and there
We think we talk
We write and share

We hear and listen
We think we smile
We ponder and indulge
And do it for a while

Some lift this heart
Some give an ache
And moments we live
For no one's sake

Ever since i started blogging which is about 8 yrs now ( on different blogs) i came across so many different people and part of their lives. Irrespective of distances, gender, religion, age, likes, dislikes - people connected. With some its a quick connection... Something like that feeling one gets when meeting for the first time and yet seems like we know each other for long. That instant wavelength matching :)  - as some say! I have felt the same with many. But somehow i feel i need to take a step back before going all over into someone's life ... And opening up mine. Then there comes a time when the comfort level grows. Bloggers become friends. 

Isnt it amazing how we read something  and feel its exactly what we think. How quickly and how many times we nod at what we read. How often we read about things close to our heart. How we read things that we shy away from talking about. How we feel for things. 

I find blogging another world in itself. Another life parallel to physical being. With smiles, joys, tears, sadness, pats and bows, lows and highs .....with friends and aquaintances and perhaps enemies too. 

A life I can control and  look forward to all the time...!!! A life whose birth and death I can decide. 

One such day - Post 20

I don't think  i have anything worth writing today besides telling how my last 30 hours have been.

Yesterday aftrenoon around 1 PM i was told about an urgent very high priority business issue.

I immediately got onto it...tried to find the root cause... And when i say I got onto it..take it in its complete sense. Continuously trying to find the reason - From 1 in the afternoon till 2 in the night. Still no luck :(
I was cross eyed by then and could hardly see anything clearly (imagine looking at numbers whole day - trying to pick up that one wrong number somwhere)
So called it a day (or night) at 2 ..but could not sleep till 3. Woke up at 6 and back to business again. With no luck...came to office. Together with another colleague the search began once again.
With luck or God's grace or hard work or whatever you call it - we found the cause and fixed the problem by 3 PM today.

What joy and what relief!! I finally started breathing again...

And shall i tell you the cause :)

It was one asterix (*) in front of one of the numbers - a star at a place where it can only go wrong :)

Khoda pahaad nikli chuhiya ( Anyone knows an english proverb for this)....Well the impact was HUGE.

I am dozing off as I am writing this... Zzzzzzz...............

Oh wait i better go home now.

Flashback - Post 19

I was googling for soemthing on internet and somehow landed up searching for my first school. So many things/incidents flashed back in a split second. I was lost in the beautiful memories and smiling.

Here are few of those which came to my mind... And I am still smiling... :)

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When I was in Class 1 (around last month of so in that class) , i lost my english book in school. I got the new one but could never forget that one(don't remember why) 3 years later when i was in Class 4 and was in library for something else - i found it there on one of the shelves - with same cover and my name there on :)
I somehow have the feeling the title of the book is in my mind too but somehow can't get it out.


When I was around 4 yrs and my little sister was just born - I used to take mental note of everything she would do. It felt like a responsibility that i should be telling her all that when she grows up. And i did remember quite a bit.


When I was around 5-6, I used to go buy dahi (yoghurt) from a special shop selling fresh yoghurt. I loved that walk alone and felt like I am doing a great job. But there was that secret (ok not secret at all actually after you read further) action i loved....i would eat some of the yoghurt while walking back home. (Oh how i loved that fresh set youghurt and i still do) Howsoever hard i tried to keep that a secret, i always always - without missing even once - spilled little bit on my t-shirt or frock and would be caught as soon as i would reach home inspite of my efforts to look my innocent best :)


I have been very fond of high heels and umbrellas right from my childhood. So as soon as one of my aunts would come home while on her way back from work - I would wait for her to take off her sandals and put her things aside. And next moment I would be out wearing those and holding that umbrella. I could play hours on with just those 2 things. Until one day i tripped over and hurt on of my finger very badly. I had to get stitches done. Please note - my love for high heels is still intact even though i was never allowed to wear my aunt's sandals ever again after that day.


When my sister was around 2-3 yrs and I obvisouly much older (than her), mom made dresses for both of us- exactly same style skirt-top but different colors. mine was lemon yellow and her was purple. It was exactly same style yet i liked her more. Her skirt has much more beautiful lace on the edges than mine. i felt my mom was partial because she was the baby doll of the house :) (But i dont think I ever complained about that openly - the wise elder sister I was and perhaps am :) )

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So do you have any such memories from early childhood? Please share - would love to read.

Morning - Post 18

I heard some sounds
Some music?
Was it twinkling
Or was it knocking

The sounds of rain drops
On the glass window
The notes were perfect
Rhythm so sweet

Rays of light
Trying to peep inside
Magic of the moment
Froze in time

Oh morning
Oh beautiful morning
Ring the bells
And move those curtains

Let life soak itself
In the symphony of that moment
Let soul wake up
To the beauty of life!

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY. 

30 something... - Post 17

Very very long time back I had read this somewhere and now have been thinking about it for many days.

It was written as "20 something..." but i realised a lot of it is applicable beyond that too. And perhaps its more befitting only now. As "30 something..."

Yes am talking about age... How it is to be 20 something and then 30 something.
20 something has been called "Quarter Life Crisis" by someone. I had these few lines saved.

I am quoting some here.For complete article read here

It's quarter life crisis...When...

"You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe,those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too,and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere,but that they are as confused as you."

Isn't it valid at whatever age we are!

Unknown reasons - Post 16

That blue sky and that bright sun

temperatures soaring..

hearts beating

as she sits there

Gazing out of the window 

That secret gaze..

No more becoming 

the topic of laughter

It feels good

Today she is the point

a touch on that flying hair

and settling that shawl

Advise is flowing like waterfall

Talk sensible

And do not smile much

Sitting across from each other

a gaze is shared 

eyes meet 

she saw that smile vanishing

she sits there again

Near the window ...gazing outside

sky is dark

sun has set

Morning is far far away

She continues to be the laughing matter

what went wrong

Smiles only vanished

Talk never happened

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

Alone or Loneliness? - Post 15

Feeling alone or is it loneliness...i don't know.

But I think I know some of the reasons.

The city where i live and the city where i work are miles apart. It takes me 1 hr 45 minutes one way with public transport. (Please note this is not a rant post for that reason)

Ok - So I have been travelling like this for almost 6 years now. Metro, Train, Bus....Thats my routine.
And over all these years I have met many people on my daily route.

People who lived in the neighbourhood but we had never seen each other before. We became friends. We just travelled same direction at same time in metro. After that our directions changed.

People who worked in the same city as me. We travelled together in train.

People who worked in the same building as mine but different company. We travelled together in train and bus.

People who were my colleagues. We never knew we were in the same company until we came across each other in some company meet. We worked in different departments and our office was on different floors.

People who were my colleagues and we worked in same departments and sat on same floor. We travelled together in train/bus. Two of them are my closest friends now.

People who took the train from the same station as I do but for different destinations. And did I tell you we are friends for life now. First few times after we started meeting outside trains and stations, we introduced ourselves as train friends.

Once again people who travelled same direction as me in bus - our office buildings being next to each other. And we became very good friends.

People who travelled with me in the same train and have kids same age as mine. Our kids are friends now - closer than we are :)

People whom I had met before in common friends' gatherings and then started travelling together too in the same direction in train.


Inspite of so many people I met and had enough company all through my journey - I am loosing out on it now.

2 of my nice neighbours/friends in metro have stopped taking the metro. One started driving to work and another changed job.

And slowly over a span of 3 years...my friends in the train also started leaving. SOme moved closer to work so they dont travel by train anymore. Some others changed jobs. SOme relocated to another country. And for one - their company moved to another city to another bigger building. All those who were colleagues and fellow travellers have changed jobs. (May be it's a sign i need a change too)

I always always sit in the same compartment in the train for last 5 yrs. Not the same seat though - which is not possible for obvious reasons.
So today - when i was sitting in my usual spot without anyone to talk to and I realised I have none of those left to accompany me on my almost 4 hr journey everyday. No more exchanging messages in the morning about who is taking which train. No more looking out of the window to wait for someone. No more sharing the urge to take  a nap in the early morning train. No more fashion-police like comments on people sitting around (and that was with an Indian friend - we would talk in hindi and laugh between ourselves without the person sitting next to us having a single clue thats its about him :) :) THough we always dreaded tha day someone would reply back in hindi.) No more exchanging sms about person sitting next to us and giggling away to glory. No more sharing tips on how to handle that boss or in some cases kids.
Even though I have made some very good friends Its still not the same as meeting everyday.

Sitting in that metro or train or bus...I am surrounded by people but I still feel alone.

Wordless Wednesday - post 14

Can anyone of you guess what this is??

Clothes? - Post 13

I am sure everyone gets a kick as soon they hear about clothes (well - thats not limited to that only)

Ok so my point was - I do get all excited about the topic as soon as I hear it but only till the point its about buying :)

I hate anything to do with clothes other than buying. I hate washing, hanging theM to dry, wrapping up, ironing, sorting them and arranging them in cupboards. I just cannot do that.

This is one thing which irritates me the most. And this is one thing that I am most embarrased about when i have guests over. Thank God for that attic area where i can dump everything. Its like a laundry house...clothes everywhere. And When I have friends over esp those who are first time visitors and all enthu about wanting to have a walk through of the house, I make sure I do not make any hint to another floor. I just escort them back to groud floor after they have had the first floor round and praised my house maintenance skills. (All for their own beneifit - I do not want them to get a shock and also I do not want to refrain myself from little boost in between all the guilt I live with everyday)

Ok Am spilling all the beans today.....

My cupboards are dumping box. You cannot find anything there - Just cannot!

My attic is like maze. You really need a navigation system to  walk there and search something  (I so wish every piece of cloth had a chip in it so I could trace it with GPRS - so much for the technology we are used to)

I never can find my socks after they go for washing. I keep buying new ones (Oops....now thats serious - Imagine teh day i will find out all - i will need a cupboard just for socks ;)  ok slight exaggeration but nearly true)

There are times when my cupboard has only clothes which i do not wear and all the ones whic i wear are piled up for ironing.

Many a times i suddenly find something in that pile which i had totally forgotten about. i get pleasantly suprised to find it ( Imagine how long it lies there that I totally forgotthat I have somethign like that)

So many times including one today I remember certain tops only when I look at old pictures. And the search begins!

I wish someone would come up with use-and-throw clothes. Wear them once or perhaps twice and throw away.  (Oh even the thought is sooo sooo relieving)


I know I know most of you will be saying - How can anyone be that unorganized!!
Believe me i won't say NO to any help offered to change it.


Ok there is one aspect of clothes other than buying that I like. I like stitching. :)
Two is enough - Right?


PS: There is a silk stole I am searching in my house for 2 years now .... all efforts in vain. I know I have it. I have never used it. I know i  have not given it to anyone. If anyone has a clue - please help!!

Hope - Post 12

Doesn't it strengthen that feeling that there is still hope...

Hope that keeps us all going

Hope that there is light beyond what all we can see

Hope that life has a brighter side to it

Hope that there is life behind these dark couds

Hope that this darkness will end soon

© 2011 Life Begins. Please DO NOT COPY.

Heaven - Post 11

Up above
Or deep inside
Peace resides

Deep below
Or far away
This life smiles

Heaven smiles
Life rejoices
Ready for the next step
Soul flies

Another day - Post 10

Another day I was looking forward to is gone

Anothey day I was waiting for is over

Another day I planned to cook a lot is done

Another day I thought I would relax is passed

Another day I thought I would sit back and watch TV is getting over

Another day I wanted to go out and watch a movie slipped by

Another day I planned to do window shopping is closed down

Another day of my life is drifting away...

As i sit here, ready to bid good bye to this day
The day that is already history
The day that will never come back
I slowly close my eyes
And drift away in another world
The world of dreams

Perhaps to relive this day...

To you.. unknown - Post 9

I want to say i miss you

and i miss you for numerous reasons and all the time....besides only when I am sad and want to talk to someone....which as some say can be done with a cat too....talking - i mean.

I miss you for that care you show without saying a word

I miss you for getting worried about me even before I tell whats going on

I miss you for I want to share every tiny happiness with someone who I know will be double happy to hear that

I miss you for lending that listening ear no matter when and for what

I miss you for who you are if you are.

Reminiscences of past gaiety - Post 8

Clearly and purely inspired by Monika's post today - I started writing this.

10 things I want back from my life

Walking to school

and evening play time with friends

Summer vacations

and visits to badi-mummy's (grandmom) home

Sunday evenings

and movie time with family

Outings with friends

and Coffee dates at Barista

Shopping with mom and sis

and gol-gappe n chat on the way back

Thinking about all this has taken me years back... I am missing so many things now.

And I also have this on my mind now...

A step at a time - Post 7

This is our new mantra now - by our I mean me and another colleague.
We decided about it 2.5 weeks ago. And fianlly started following it too.

My office is on 7th floor and ofcourse we take elevators - always with few exceptions when there was some serious problem with them ( count that as 3-4 times in 6 yrs :) )
I have always wanted to do so but could never gather the strength enough to do so. I always had excuses ready - oh my bag is too heavy or i am wearing high heels, oh am too tired, oh my back is aching.... The list is never ending!

Finally, one day while i was going out to grab some lunch, my friend suggested we take the stairs to go down. I couldn't say no atleast for going down. So i smilingly accepted the idea, secretely wishing she does not come up with idea on the way back.

Going Down was easy-peasy .. Add girly gossip to that to make it fun. I unconsciously timed it. We took just 2 min. Hmmm... that was quick.

We went ahead. Did the shopping and walked back. I had little bit stuff only in a small bag. But she had done some extra shopping and was carrying a heavy bag. I was sure she would not be able to climb up the stairs. And to my delight ... She didnt (can u imagine me dancing?)

We took the elevator up. Had our lunch and some more gossip. In between she suggested going for one round up and down the stairs after lunch. I shrugged the idea like a useless idea and ignored it, moving on to more interesting topics.

But to my surprise she came right after I went back to my desk and signalled to join her as if we have been stairs-buddies forever. No she cant be serious. I just had lunch, my stomach is full and besides i have so much work to do. While i was lost in thinking she called me again. I still asked- "are you sure?"
"Yes yes.. Come now.."- came the oh-so-casual reply.

Using all my might and power i got up and joined her. Going down was OK .. 2 min maggi noodles task. But climbing up... OMG, why wasnt our office on 3rd floor or worst 4th floor. Why do they make high buildings. Till 3rd floor was smooth, another one upto 4th was some work. But one more was a drag. I almost had the urge to take a break and rest a while. 2 more floors seemed like HUGE. Then she suggested we stop on 6th floor and go to library there to pick some books. I rejoiced in the idea. Thank God one less floor. I quickly climbed 20 odd stairs to another floor. And then suddenly she changes her mind-"No, leave it, we will come for books later".

Hunh???

I silently climbed another floor and thanked God we didnt work on 10th floor.

I was slightly out of breath but it felt ok. 3 min dot.

Inspite of my lazy-bum stubborness it got done. In my heart, i felt happy.

It's been fun ever since!!

Sweet nothings of life - Post 6

Heavenly Is One word I can say for this.

I am totally in love.

The softness

The warmth

Hot inside, cold outside

With a crispy skin in between

One touch and your heart melts with this.

Yes Its HOT-BLONDIE I am talking about. Before you start taking that literally let me clarify - It's a new dessert at Burger King. That cake with warm and melting  white chocolate inside and ice-cream on top

It’s totally worth the sin.

I tried it once before and have been looking for second chance ever since.

And as a Mother’s day special treat I sweetly demanded this.

I devoured in it with multiplied happiness as none of my other two partners had any wish to have it. (They didn’t have a clue what they were saying NO to)

BTW, 2 weeks ago I had decided that the day I will lose 4 kg – I will go and have that. But I broke it in between J I went half way. It was mother’s day – I deserved some treat – right?

While we are all in mother’s day mode – Let me tell you this too.

My little girl painted a small pot with her hands, planted some seeds in it. Nurtured it and gifted it to me yesterday with tiny saplings there. The instructions were strict – Do not keep it in direct sun, do not touch the plants, do not put too much water.

Yesterday was full of  happy actions and suprises.

I loved it sooo much!!